


Iridescence

by Belensthoughts



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Female Friendship, Grieving, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Pining, Some Fluff, dealing with abandonment, or rather Friends to Enemies to Friends again to Lovers, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2020-05-16 06:46:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 44,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19312804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belensthoughts/pseuds/Belensthoughts
Summary: -Okay. I know this is a big thing to ask, but you know how I always said that my wedding was going to be epic? –she nodded- and I said it was gonna have a big dance sequence, with the most epic, romantic songs in it?Oh no, she could feel the fear creeping in. This could only mean one thing and she was not ready for it.-Care, use your next words wisely- I know it is too much and I also know that you’ve already guessed it, because of how big your eyes are right now, so I’ll just say it: Will you be my maid of honor and in doing so dance with Damon, the best man, at the wedding?or: Damon and Bonnie were best friends since they were kids but everything changed once he goes to New York for school. Seven years later they have to see each other again at the wedding of his brother and her best friend. What will happen when they have to spend hours together for the wedding extravaganza, which includes a dance sequence together?





	1. Chapter 1

  1. The past comes back to bite you in the ass



She had not seen Caroline for a few weeks now. Her residency in Emergency Medicine was about to finish, so of course she hadn’t had much of a social life. Luckily, for her she had a few days off so she could finally see her best friend.

She walked through the beautiful streets of Mystic Falls. It was a nice day, spring was coming soon so they had a break from the snowstorms and the rain and she felt like it was such a gift that her one day off she could have some sunlight to bathe on.

She got to the restaurant where they were getting breakfast, expecting to have to wait, since she was a few minutes early, but there was already a blonde sitting at their favorite table. Her best friend smiled widely at the sight of her, radiant. Oh, she just hoped Caroline wasn’t pregnant.

-Hi Bonnie!- said the blonde gleefully while wrapping her arms around her

-Hey Care, you seem chipper than usual, how you been?-she said with a huge smile, she really had missed her.

-Great! Have a sit because you are gonna need it-she smiled like a Cheshire cat but turned around to call the waiter.

That made her a bit nervous, secrecy didn’t sit well with her, but then again Caroline was known for being a dramaqueen, so of course she was having a blast with being a little extra.

They ordered the same as usual, pancakes for Bonnie and French toast for Caroline. Plus two green teas to not feel too guilty about it. 

-Spill it Care, you’re making me nervous.

-Come on Bonnie, let me have my fun

-I love it when you have your fun, but just not at my expense

-Ugh, Med-school has made you a party pooper- she sighed dramatically and took her right hand from under the table very carefully, brushing off some loose hairs in her face, taking her sweet time doing so. She didn’t have to, thought, as soon as Bonnie saw her hand she saw the big rock resting on top of her ring finger.

-OH MY GOD CAROLINE! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME SOONER?! –screamed Bonnie excitedly and stood up to hug her friend who was also screaming- BREAKFAST IS ON ME! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! We may need some champagne

-It’s ten in the morning-replied Caroline with a laugh

-Mimosas then?

They laughed while holding each other tight. These were big news, amazing news, news she had been expecting for a long time to be honest.

-Ugh, I’m sorry I didn’t’ tell you sooner, I didn’t want you to be too distracted from becoming the best doctor in Mystic Falls’ history- that made Bonnie roll her eyes for sure- Plus it just happened a few days ago. Only our families know.

-Oh…so how was it?- asked Bonnie looking at the ring. Caroline knew instantly why she changed the subject. Her groom’s brother.

-Well… it was amazing- Caroline went on but she stopped listening, it’s not like she wasn’t going to repeat this story a thousand more times. Bonnie used this time to remember herself that what happened between them had happened ages ago. She should’ve let it go by now. She thought she had actually, but somehow the mention of him knowing first still stung a bit. Maybe it was just her being competitive.

-Well of course it was amazing!- she said when she realized that Caroline had finished- and of course you said yes, how did your family react?- this put a smile on Caroline’s face, she wasn’t sure how the brunette was going to react with the other news she had for her, but she seemed to be handling this well enough.

-They were thrilled and joking about how he didn’t do it sooner

-I was actually thinking about the same thing. You guys have been together forever and it’s not like you are not crazy in love, because you are- Caroline smiles even brighter, she was just incredibly happy and that made Bonnie so happy too. And honestly it made her feel a little bit guilty about focusing on her own little drama instead of her best friend’s happiness. This wasn’t about her and her story, this was about her two best friends getting married.

-Yeah, as soon as I said yes I asked him what took him so long, he laughed and said that he just wanted us to have stable jobs before jumping into the new adventure

-That is just so damn sweet

That made her reminisce about their adolescence. They started calling everything an adventure. Wherever they went together was always an adventure to them.

-I know right!- Caroline laughed, purely because of happiness she presumed, while the waiter brought their stuff to the table.

-Thanks- said Bonnie to their waiter and he smiled and turned around- Oh, I’m just dying to eat these, I have missed them too much.

-It’ll be worth it Bonnie, once you graduate it’ll feel like it was nothing.

-I know, I’m just so happy I took the chance and started the Emergency Medicine residency right off the bat.

-Of course you did, you are so incredibly smart and brave, you had to.

Bonnie looked at her best friend while chewing her pancake. Something wasn’t right.

-Ok, too much sucking up to me, what’s going on?

-Oh, come on Bonnie I just wanted to cheer you up- she was avoiding her gaze, so most definitely there was something up.

-No, I know you, one comment I get it- she tried to make her look at her eyes but the blonde didn’t budge- but two in a row?

-Ok… I was hoping you would eat a little bit more and get on a better mood before I asked you about this.

-I am in a great mood, I don’t know what you’re talking about- she kept on eating, she knew she wasn’t going to like what Care had to say.

-Ok. I know this is a big thing to ask, but you know how I always said that my wedding was going to be epic? –she nodded- and I said it was gonna have a big dance sequence, with the most epic, romantic songs in it?

Oh no, she could feel the fear creeping in. This could only mean one thing and she was not ready for it.

-Care, use your next words wisely

\- I know it is too much and I also know that you’ve already guessed it, because of how big your eyes are right now, so I’ll just say it: Will you be my maid of honor and in doing so dance with Damon, the best man, at the wedding?

-Oh my God.

They were in silence for a few minutes. She didn’t know what to say, I mean of course, Caroline had told every single soul on earth that when she got married it was going to be epic. With at least 200 guests, dance choreographies, open bar, a ceremony in the forest and just about anything her heart desired. No wonder Stephan had taken so long to ask her, he had to prepare mentally and financially for such a party. He wasn’t going to let Caroline’s mom to have to pay alone for such a thing.

So, she had to remember what she had said to herself before, this wasn’t about her. This was about her best friends getting married.

But at the same time it had to do with her and her story with his ex-best friend. The guy she grew up with, was supposed to go to college with and maybe even end up dating. Ok, that last part was just in her mind the whole time, but even like that the other one didn’t happened either. She hadn’t seen him in two years, and they haven’t had an honest conversation in almost seven years.

 No wonder her heart was pounding at the thought of not only seeing him and having to work side by side to ensure the wedding run smoothly but to work on a choreography for God knows how long. Oh God.

-Why can’t your other bridesmaids dance with him?

-Because Rebekah wants to dance with her boyfriend, of course. Lexie and Klaus are both single and have already called dibs on each other. I’m not kidding, she just sent me a text asking me to pair her with him. I thought I could just reject Klaus’ idea, but if I do, I’m sure they’ll bring it up again at the dance rehearsals. I don’t wanna put you on the spotlight like that, I want you to have a choice and to have time to be prepared if you accept.

But did she really have a choice? Caroline was her best friend since kindergarten. They had talked and talked and talked about being each other’s maid of honor, about how they wanted their wedding to be like and with whom.

-But I don’t really have it, Care. This is your day, I should not be interfering with your dream wedding because I still can’t get over something that happened years ago. Maybe this will be good for me, maybe this will help getting some closure-she said the last part not as convinced as she was hoping to, though.

She smiled at her best friend, but it was rather forced. Of course it sounded like a rational way to look at it. And maybe it could even be true, she could finally move on and go to the big city with her boyfriend. Who was going to be at the wedding, so she didn’t have to worry for spending that much time with Damon anyway.

-You are so mature now Bonnie, see? ER has treated you right.

-Yeah…-she rolled her eyes, she was still sucking up to her apparently- plus, when we are not dancing and being your slaves we’ll be with our partners. Enzo will be at the wedding with me and Damon will come to town with Elena probably two weeks before the wedding. I’m assuming that’s when we’ll start the rehearsals and everything.

-Well… you are right and wrong. Yes, two weeks before the wedding is when we’ll start rehearsing everyday for two hours a day. But…

-But?

-They are no longer together… and he doesn’t want the plus one.

Now that was dangerous. And weird. All she could heard about when he was at home was how much he loved Elena and how she had made him a better person. He used to say that she was the one, so it was weird that they had broken up, even weirder yet was that he didn’t want the plus one. He wasn’t a loner, girls were always around him and he had had dates with almost every girl in town before he left it.

-But I got my plus one, right?

-Of course, speaking of, how’s everything with Enzo?

-Things are… normal. We haven’t really spoken in a few…weeks now, because of how crazy things are in the hospital, but he still wants me to go straight to Chicago when I finish the residency. He’s done with the whole distance relationship thing and I can’t really blame him.

-And you? Do you want to go there?

-Me?- she sighed and started thinking about it, he had such an important place in her heart but right now she was so busy all the time that she didn’t even had time to miss him- I like Mystic Falls. It’s my home.

Caroline nodded, clearly with something to say but keeping it to herself.

-That’s bad then.

-Yeah, but I don’t wanna think about it until I have to. I’m just trying to survive my last few months residency now.

-Oh I’m sure that takes a lot of energy, so let’s not think about that either ok? Do you want to see pictures of my favorite dresses?

-Yes please! Oh, wait, I’ll have to help with a lot of stuff right?

-Don’t worry. We’ll go dress shopping in spring break, when you have your week off and look at the venues at that time also. The rest of the stuff will be sorted out with Stefan, the wedding planner and me. The wedding will be on July so everyone has time off and hopefully we won’t be getting rain that day.

-Great. Of course you’ve already thought about everything. Now, let me see those princess dresses.

-Oh you know I’m gonna have a train.

-Yeah, the longest one for sure.

They spent the rest of their breakfast looking through Pinterest. She was happy for her friend and she loved the thought of a summer wedding for Caroline, everything was going according to plan for the blonde. But not for her. She could still feel a weight in her stomach throughout the whole thing, even when she had had all of her delicious pancakes plus a little of Caroline’s French toast.

After a couple of hours, Stefan called her fiancé because they had a lunch date, so they paid and went each on their respective ways.

She walked home, she needed the fresh air to process everything that happened and what was bound to happen. It wasn’t a great idea thought, this town was filled with ghosts. She used to ride her bike on that street with Damon. The houses remained the same as the ones in her memories. As if time had not passed. Maybe that’s why she couldn’t let it go, perhaps she should listen to Enzo and move to Chicago with him, even when she didn’t really like big cities.

That didn’t stop her from wanting to go to New York with Damon, though. But she was younger and adventurous and that would’ve been a great adventure if things hadn’t gone downhill.

It wasn’t like it was a huge thing, a betrayal or an explosion of bad feelings or anything of the sort, but it had hurt her. So much so that she didn’t even apply to NYU. Maybe because there wasn’t a big fight, or maybe the fact that she never got a reason for his indifference is why it hurt her so much. Perhaps the fact that they spent the whole summer before he left joint by the hip made his lack of communication just two months later hurt her so much.

She didn’t understand it. She just knew they were best friends, even thought he was a year older and they had a plan to continue with their friendship once she finished high school, but the promise didn’t even last a couple of months. He started not answering her calls, blowing her off, ignoring her texts. So of course she just had enough when he came for Christmas and all he talked about was his new friends and how hot girls were there. She was righfully pissed.

So she didn’t keep with her side of the deal, she applied to Whitmore with Care and Stefan to stay close to her home. That pissed him off. Especially since he found out through his brother. She could still remember the short call; he didn’t even say hi, he went straight to asking her if it was true. She said it was and he just hung up. That’s how ten years of friendship go down the toilette.

Well that wasn’t entirely true, she remembered the last day he spent on Mystic Falls. It was his goodbye dinner and he offered to take her home in his car. He hugged her for so long that she thought they’d just spent the whole night like that, outside her house, into each other’s arms.

But he pulled back and he had his eyes glazed when they separated.

_-I’m scared Bonnie- he whispered looking at the ground_

_-You’ll be alright, you always are Damon._

_-I just wished we could be leaving together. Not because I need you Bon Bon, don’t get it twisted- he smiled crookedly at her and she just rolled her eyes with a small smile of her own- I’m just going into this new adventure alone. You, Stefan, Klaus, even goldilocks, you all are staying here._

_She started to run her fingers through his hair, which always seemed to calm him down._

_-You are amazing Damon, you’ll do great in there. Mystic Falls is too small for you._

_-You’re damn right it is- he whispered with his eyes closed- and it is also too small for you._

_-And that’s why I’m going there next year_

_-Is that a promise?- he asked opening his eyes_

_-Of course it is, that’s been the plan for two years now._

_-Good. I hate it when you work your magic and make me be vulnerable. You are definitely a witch- she laughed softly at that, she was going to miss this idiot._

_-I wish I was. I could go to Hogwarts_

_-Yes, and marry Harry Potter, I know, you’ve told me that before- he said rolling his eyes at her, making her laugh again. It was in that moment that they realized they were still hugging, not very far away from each other._

_He caressed her cheek and put a kiss on her forehead. She thought that would be all but then he planted a short kiss on her lips. It was quick, sweet and unexpected. And as soon as he pulled back he also went back to his car without looking at her again._

She hated that that was the last time they saw each other as friends. She wished she would’ve done something, kiss him back or tell him how she felt, it didn’t really matter, since they stopped being friends anyway. At least she could’ve had some sort of closure.

She got to her house, the one her grandma had left to her when she died. She just hated that that goodbye happened at her door, every once in a while the memories attacked her and the progress she thought she had made just vanished.

It’s not like she was crying and pinning and thinking about it all of her University experience. She totally felt like she forgot about him for a few months, then someone mentioned him and she was back at feeling lost and not knowing how it ended like that. He was her best friend, damn it.

She decided it was time she just stopped thinking about it, just like Chicago, she’d just wait until she had no other choice but to think about it. Maybe until she graduated in June, because she had to study. This was actually great because she had tons of things to do and that would distract her from her issues enormously.

But as she served herself some tea to start studying again, the intrusive thoughts came back, and she imagined what it would be like to dance with him.

Enzo, Enzo, Enzo. Concentrate in that guy instead “he’s you boyfriend”, she told herself.

But she didn’t feel the same thinking about him. There were not butterflies, sweaty palms or heart palpitations. She couldn’t help but to feel guilty about it, he had been so pacient with her and she really did feel that way about him before- years ago, though.

She didn’t want to think about that either, because she had a feeling she’d end up calling him and telling him this and that was not a good idea. So she decided it was time she focused on her studies and nothing else. Not Damon, not Enzo, not Chicago.

God, these were going to be some awful months she had ahead of her.


	2. Damsel in distress

II. Damsel in distress.

Spring break had finally arrived and Bonnie was fucking tired. She had done a crazy schedule in the hospital for too long and had to see really hard stuff on ER. She hadn't realized Mystic Falls was so eventful before she started residency almost three years ago but since then, she had to witness some wild stuff.

She had spent her first day in bed. She told Caroline and Enzo she needed some time for herself, so she just watched some entertaining but not very intelligent movies while eating Chinese food. She loved delivery apps.

Then she realized her house was a mess and even though she wanted to rest, she found that the mechanical chores were great to rest her mind. At night, her house was clean and her mind clear. Which was not ideal, since she didn't want to think about what the next months had in store for her, so she ordered a pizza and put Pride and Prejudice on.

Oh, how she loved Mr. Darcy. And how she adored Lizzie. She adored how free of other people's opinions she was, how that didn't affect her. She strived to be like that someday.

Enzo was texting her, but she wasn't responding a lot, she wanted to see her movie in peace. She realized she was being a little bit harsh, knowing they hadn't spoken on the phone for at least two weeks and every time they texted she was mainly talking about gross things she saw on ER, which probably wasn't a lovely thing to discuss with your long-distance girlfriend, but she didn't feel like talking about anything else.

She wondered when she had stopped wanting to talk to him on the phone every day or when her excitement about seeing his name on the screen just disappeared. She had expected not feeling butterflies forever but since the discovery of Damon coming to town for the wedding, she couldn't help but to compare her feelings for him and for Enzo.

She couldn't pinpoint a specific date for her indifference for him, but she could definitely place it around the first year of being apart, which meant that the last year she'd been just comfortable with him being away and only seeing each other on Christmas, their birthdays and in summer.

It was tough, but things could go back to normal if she went to Chicago with him. Maybe. Maybe not. What if the spark was just gone and she moved her entire life there only to have a loveless relationship? And how would she tell him that without hurting him?

She used to love him, he was there for her when her grandmother died. The last family that she had, the woman who had raised her. He was there for her every step of the way, he helped her lift up her spirits again and start remembering her Grams for the amazing person that she was with happiness instead of pain.

Maybe she owed him to do this. But then again, how could she do that without hurting him? Because if she left everything behind to be with him, but she wasn't the same loving girlfriend she was years ago he'd notice and she couldn't just lie to his face and pretend she felt stuff she wasn't feeling.

She took a deep breath and texted him she was going to sleep. She didn't want to deal with it today, it was her day off and she was scared.

So she just occupied her mind with Mr. Darcy and Lizzie and how she hated that he was that rich because of colonialism. She put her silk scarf on and went to sleep.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day she woke up early and refreshed. Her house was clean and she was going to see a wedding venue with Caroline so she decided to put some make up on and wear something tight to make herself feel good. She had been neglecting her image because of how hard she had been working and she deserved to feel like a beautiful girl again.

By the time Caroline came to pick her up she was ready and glowing.

-Wow Bonnie you look hot today- said the blonde as soon as she got into the car

-Thank you, I decided I needed some me time today

-And I appreciate that you did it today because these venues are not cheap and they usually treat you as good as you look.

-Yeah, that's why you are the one doing the talking. You come across as bitchier than me

-Bonnie!

-Hey, it's a good thing. They will have everything ready and perfect for you just so they don't have to be scolded by you.

-You do have a point

They smiled and went to the first venue, it was going to be a full week of just looking for the perfect place for the party, with a forest or something cute outside for the wedding obviously. Then on Saturday it was the dress appointment at a bridal shop close to Whitmore. A very elegant, exclusive and pricey one.

But right now she needed to focus on the venue, because Caroline would rely on her while her fiancé wasn't there, he was going to meet them there as soon as he got out of work, but that was a good two hours later.

She was oh so ready for the one day off in the middle of the week that Caroline was giving her, the one she planned on using studying.

As they were getting into the venue, Enzo called again. She felt guilty about the epiphany she had the day before and she knew he was going to notice. She knew they needed to have a conversation but she didn't want to have it in front of Caroline so she just let her phone buzz in her pocket.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her day off was here and she was delighted, as much as she loved Caroline they'd been spending too much time while looking for something that needed to be above the bride's expectations, which was very hard. So the blonde was a little bitchy and snarky, which made Stefan be super mellow with her to make her feel better and she just hated third-wheeling.

She decided she was gonna make herself some blueberries and oatmeal pancakes, that always cheered her up.

And when she had just finished her breakfast, the phone rang. She was sure it was Caroline trying to convince her to help her with something, so she just took her phone and answered.

-What's up?- she answered a bit dry. She was told this was her day off and dammit she was having this day off.

-Well, love, I thought you'd be more happy to hear about me- she could listen the smile in his voice.

-Oh, sorry, I thought you were Caroline, invading my day off with bridal stuff. How are you honey?- she felt weird sometimes talking to him when they hadn't spoken in a long time, but even weirder because she had been ignoring him.

-Good, hoping you will consider taking a few days off of your bridal duties and come see me.

-Oh…um… I don't know- she started playing with her fingers trying to find some excuse- I only have three more days off. You should've told me sooner, I could've bought my tickets before, they are very expensive now- she knew it was a bad excuse, because he would help her pay for them, but she didn't know what else to say.

-I tried, but you were studying, and ignoring my calls also.

-I wasn't ignoring your calls, I was in the hospital, I couldn't have my phone with me. And then Caroline gets super mad when I'm not paying attention to her while on bridal duty, she's turning into a bridezilla.

-Sure. I get it- he sighted and then he felt silent. She knew she should want to go and maybe if she did they could discuss this like adults. But she still didn't want to hurt him.

-I just… I got so focused on the residency and then the wedding that I didn't think of going to Chicago.

-That's the problem Bonnie. There's always something occupying your mind. I used to love that you were so driven and I used it as an excuse for you. For not putting me as a priority, but come on. You don't even know if you want to come live with me, so why are we still together Bonnie? Do we even have a future together anymore?

Ok, that came out of nowhere. Or did it? She wasn't expecting it coming from him at all, but she knew it was gonna come some day or another, he was right, he wasn't a priority for her anymore, maybe when they'd lived close by, but now? She really sucked as a girlfriend and that made her realized that maybe she was just being selfish by keeping him with her, instead of letting him go.

-I'm sorry Enzo, I know I'm a mess. I know I should put you first and I don't wanna make up excuses, I'm just a bad girlfriend.

-No, you are not. You are just not in love with me anymore.

Oh that one hurt, not because it wasn't true, but because it sounded like he'd been knowing for a while. She'd been hurting him.

-I'm so sorry Enzo

-Me too.

They just stayed silent, this was definitely not the way she was hoping this conversation would end up, even if it was for the best.

-You deserve to be loved Enzo, you're an amazing boyfriend. I hope I wasn't getting in the way of that

-No, truth be told, I was hoping I was doing that for you. You are an amazing girl and I didn't wanna lose you, even when I knew this wasn't the same anymore.

-We both lived in denial then- she said with a sad smile. Another silence came by and they knew they just had to let the other one go.

-Goodbye Bonnie Bennet, have a nice life, love

-You too, Enzo.

That was sad and unexpected, I mean, she could definitely see their conversation going like this since she hadn't made a decision about Chicago yet, but she was expecting it was in person, hopefully after the wedding. Damn it, she forgot about that, now everyone would ask her where he was, since they all knew him. Plus Damon would definitely give her shit about it. Well, that was if he was talking to her. She still didn't know how he'd react to working together in the wedding.

It sucked to end a relationship of four years and not feel pain, she remembered when he went to Chicago and he promised they'd still be together even if they couldn't see each other every day like they used to. She had cried herself to sleep a few too many times back then, but now, it just felt like it was something that had to happen.

She was still sad, though. He could make her laugh and forget about everything sometimes, with his charm and his witty comments, but one of the bad things of Med-school is that you spend too many years in college, while everyone else finishes two or three years prior.

She decided to text Caroline, telling her the news. The blonde was at her house thirty minutes later, with ice cream and a big fluffy blanket.

-See? How could I move to Chicago and leave all of this behind?

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-So? What do you think?- asked Caroline turning around, she had a big princess gown on.

-Well… maybe less is more?- Bonnie knew Care would go for the big ones, but this one was just ridiculous, too big, too fluffy, too shiny, too much.

-Yeah, I feel like the dress is wearing me and not the other way around, you feel me?- said Caroline looking at herself at the mirror while moving her hands in circles.

-Sure- she didn't know what she meant, but as long as she wasn't wearing that one at the wedding, she would just agree.

-Come on, Care, show us another one- said Lexi. Bonnie just smiled. She really liked how upfront the little Salvatore cousin was, if she was bored she'd just tell you. Like right now.

-Oh my God I'm starting to regret inviting you.

-You know you love me, now chop chop

Caroline left out a dramatic sight and went into the changing room. Bonnie was just thankful that Rebekah couldn't make it, she liked her sometimes but when things were revolving around someone other than her? She couldn't take it.

She figured that's why she didn't come, she was angry at Matt for not proposing to her yet and this made it worst. So she would probably be insufferable if she was there. The bad side was that Caroline's mom couldn't be there either for health issues, so she had to talk to Lexi alone, and that kind of scared her.

-So, you and Enzo are done right?- asked Lexi looking at her nails. Bonnie was of course expecting it, even when Caroline had probable asked her not to do it, maybe that's why it had took thirty minutes for her to let it out.

-Yeah. It was bound to happen, we were just delaying it.- said Bonnie looking at the dressing room, she just wanted to say everything fast so this would end soon.

-Yeah… you don't think it has nothing to do with the wedding right?

-What do you mean?- she turned to face Lexi immediately and of course the blonde had a smug look on her face.

-Well, weddings make people think about themselves and their status. That's why Rebekah isn't here. That's why I'm gonna fuck the shit out of Klaus while the "festivities" happen and then forget about him.

-Please wear a condom- she said rolling her eyes. A son of those two in the world? Please, God, no.

-Relax, I'm a big girl, I know what I'm doing. What I was saying is, people go crazy during these things, maybe he thought that you two should be going into the same path and then realized, oh no, there's a reason we aren't.

-Mmm… that's a good guess. I don't know, he just said he realized we weren't in love anymore and that we were just holding each other back in the romantic field.

-Which leads me to believe he also thought about the whole Damon thing.

-What?

-What do you guys think?- Caroline came out of her dressing room with a beautiful A line lace gown. It had less poof, and sparkles and it was more romantic and soft. Bonnie loved it.

-Oh my God, finally something I like- said Lexi standing up to take a better look.

-You look beautiful Care- complimented Bonnie still taken aback by what Lexie said.

-Right? Maybe I don't need the puffiest dress to be a princess, this makes me feel like one, no joke

-Then take it- Lexi came back to the seat and just relaxed. Bonnie hated that she could never achieve that level of chill.

With that comment the dress consultant came back with a veil and when Caroline looked at herself in the mirror like that, she started tearing up.

-Yeah, I think I will… this is it

Caroline started crying and of course Bonnie went to hug her, she knew it wasn't as much the emotion as how much she wanted to emulate "Say yes to the dress", but she would always be there for her friend and her extra attitude, as long as she was there for her when she needed her.

The blonde came back into the dressing room to facetime her mom and to change into her regular clothes and Bonnie instantly turned to Lexi.

-What did you mean by that?

-That she should take it, she looked gorgeous- she teased with a smug grin.

-Not about that! About Enzo and Damon

-Oh, that. Maybe he was just eager to come to the wedding to cock-block you and Damon, like he always does. And then, he realized he didn't even cared about you anymore, only about that little game they had.

-They had no such game

-Of course they did, everyone knew it, hell ask Caroline when she comes back

That was definitely a surprise, I mean she had told Enzo about the whole best friends thing, but he never knew about the kiss or her feelings.

They remained in silence, while Lexi just checked her phone and Bonnie just stood in the middle of the room, shifting her weight side to side, not feeling comfortable with herself.

-Ok, my mom loved it and I can't wait to take it home

-That's great, Care- said Bonnie absently

-What's wrong, Bonnie?

-She just wants to ask you something- interrupted Lexi making Bonnie a little angrier than she anticipated.

-Ask me what?

-Oh, about Enzo's game. He was always around only when he knew Damon would come to town to block any interaction between him and this lady right here- she pointed at Bonnie, who was still very silent, not knowing how to react to her anger. She knew that she needed to know if it was true but she still hated that the blonde was just rushing everything.

-Oh come on, Lexi! Couldn't you wait a bit more before dropping a bomb like that on her?

-What do you mean, Care? Is it true?

-I mean, only he knows. We just speculated that he wanted to protect you from more Damon drama so he kept constantly asking when he was coming and you wanted to have excuses not to see Damon so that helped you

-Why didn't you tell me, thought? I'm your best friend. Not him.

-Ugh… I just thought that you had enough in your plate already to deal with this.

-Unbelievable

Bonnie took her stuff and left. She knew Lexi wouldn't care enough to follow her and Caroline had to pay for the dress, so she also wouldn't follow her

She just wanted some time for herself. To think and try to remember all those times. Was that true? Was she so blind that she hadn't noticed?

_-Oh, witchy came back to the Salvatore's house. How nice of her to visit her friends again- said Damon as soon as he opened the door to his house. It was the first Salvatore Christmas party she attended in three years._

_-I'm sorry, who are you and why are you talking to my girlfriend like that?- said Enzo taking a step forward_

_-Oh Enzo don't waste your time with this idiot. We came here because of Stefan, not him._

_-And I appreciate it- said Stefan from behind his brother, who had a very pissed off face._

_-Then take care of your guests brother, while I go back to mine. Cheers- he said smiling wryly while lifting his glass with bourbon while looking straight to Bonnie's eyes. She could see he was annoyed with her, but so was she, so she didn't really cared. Or so she told herself._

_He left them and she immediately felt like going after him, yell at him or throw that drink of his on his face, that's how she knew she wasn't over it yet._

_-I'm sorry guys, he's just… Damon._

_-I know, you don't have to worry about it- responded Bonnie with a small smile. It wasn't his brother's fault. Stefan was the sane one in the family, she couldn't take it out on him._

_They came inside, it was all beautifully adorned, obviously by Caroline and Jo. She could see them talking with excitement, while moving their hands and everything._

_-How long have you had these parties Stefan? And why was I never invited?- joked Enzo with a smile, while serving himself some bourbon. Weird, he never drank that._

_-Oh, forever. My parents used to have them every year and then they passed away and Alaric and Jo decided to keep the tradition going._

_She hated that her friends had lost their parents at such a young age. Fourteen and thirteen is definitely a time where you still need your parents, but she was just happy that Damon and Stefan had Alaric and Jo to take care of them when their parents died on that car crush. She didn't know what would've happened to them is they ended up in the foster care system._

_-I'm sorry to hear that, but I think we should celebrate that you guys are okay and happy, for the most part- he finished looking at Damon, who had his arm around a pretty brunette. He was talking to her and she seemed very happy and pleasant but he still had a frown on._

_-Yeah, I think he took it the hardest. But he was chipper before, I don't know what happened to him._

_She could feel Stefan's eyes on her. But she didn't want to look. She just looked at the decorations as if she hadn't heard._

_-I'm gonna go pour myself some egg-nog, will you wait for me here?- she asked Enzo before kissing him in the cheek and turning around without waiting for an answer._

_She could feel more eyes following her, and once she got to the kitchen, she realized it was more than eyes that had followed her there._

_-So you have a boyfriend now, witchy?- he whispered in her ear, of course he was behind her._

_-Stop doing that, you creep- she answered while walking away from him. She turned around and crossed her arms while looking at Damon, all relaxed, propped up against the door frame._

_-What am I doing exactly?- he said looking all innocent but his eyes betrayed him. He was definitely enjoying this._

_-You know what you're doing. Following me like a stalker and then whispering in my ear like a perv. That's not cute, Damon._

_-Really? Because that's gotten me laid thousands of times_

_-First of all, you are gross. And second of all, is that what you want? To get me in bed? Because last time I checked you had a girl here with you and you seem to forget I find you repulsive._

_-Uh, witchy so many words- he rolled his eyes and walked a bit closer to her- Yes, I have a girl with me. My girlfriend, who I love by the way, so no, I wasn't tried to get you in bed. You wish, though- he wiggle his eyebrows and she just hated him even more._

_-Then why are you here trying your moves on me?- she had to lift up her head to talk to him, since he had come closer and he was much taller, but she wasn't going to budge, she stayed right there._

_-To see if that idiot is treating you right- he surprised her with that, especially because it looked like he was telling her the truth, but she wasn't going to let him see her surprise. Or excitement._

_-What do you mean if he's treating me right? And why do you care?_

_-Because I used to know a very independent woman who didn't need a man to defend her from guys. It's not here anymore, though. I think she left… maybe to New York?- he said tilting his head to look innocent. They both knew what he meant by that and that made her regain her disdain._

_-Yeah? Because I have a caring boyfriend, I'm a damsel in distress now?- she decided to ignore the rest of his accusation, that would hurt him more._

_-You used to think like that_

_-No, I didn't. You didn't really know me, did you? I can defend myself, I'm pretty good at it actually, but it's nice to know that my man has my back._

_He just stood there, looking at her eyes, like looking for something. She started to get nervous under those inquisitive eyes. She hated that he still had power over her, even after all those years._

_Fortunately, Jo walked in the kitchen and started making conversation with him, so she took the chance to go back to her boyfriend._

That was the first time Enzo and Damon met, so of course the other times they saw each other he kept her busy so she didn't run into him at the same parties. He used to go everywhere with her and she just thought it was to avoid another situation like that.

She didn't know he went to such extremes to keep protecting her, but she never really cared because it was better for her as well. She felt like an idiot for both not knowing and not caring.

Oh God, this was even worse than she thought. She really was a fucking damsel in distress.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Thank you for reading and for commenting, you guys made me want to keep going :) Tell me what do you think about this and if you saw coming the ending between Bonnie and Enzo. I know some of you feel bad for Enzo because he was great to Bonnie on the show, but honestly I didn't watch the last season, I was pissed at the show so I just stopped watching it,so I really don't know how good they were together, but I don't want to take away from them. They loved each other but they just fell apart after spending so much time away from each other.
> 
> Also if you guys want to see the dresses I will be uploading pics of them on the tumblr I made for the fic although we all know what Caroline's dress looks like, but I'll still upload some gifs of it :)
> 
> Hope you guys liked it and see you soon.


	3. Fucking freezing

They were back at the bridal store, this time it was time for the bridesmaids' to try on some dresses. She had two consecutive days off again, which only happened once a month, so they decided it was the perfect day for shopping, in case they needed to come back the next day for alterations or anything.

Caroline said that they could each choose one and try to convince her on why they needed to wear it and if the rest agreed, that was the one.

Bonnie was happy she could at least pitch one to her friend, because she knew that the three girls were very different, with very different tastes and different convincing skills, so at least she had a shot. Even thought she knew that Rebekah would end up winning, her stupid British accent could make anyone follow her lead.

She just felt weird being back at the same shop of her outburst. A few days had gone by and she felt like maybe she overreacted a bit. After she left Caroline called a lot of times. So many that she finally gave up and answered. They talked for a long time and eventually Bonnie realized that it wasn't Caroline's fault that she hadn't noticed "the game", as Lexi had called it. It was her own fault for not caring, and maybe she did kind of notice but she didn't try to stop or talk about it.

They ended up on good terms again, which was a relief for Caroline, who needed desperately her maid of honor back and with that they went on with the rest of the wedding preparations, hence the visit to the bridal shop.

She picked a flowy yellow dress. It ended uneven and she knew it would look great on the dance sequence. She left the dressing room where she had put it on and the other girls were already out.

Rebekah had a big puffy dress on. It was black with little white beads all over it, it looked like the night sky and it was definitely gorgeous. But it was too prom dressy. Lexi had a white, very tight and short dress on. It had see-through parts around the chest area, but with the boobs covered. It was still kind of racy for a wedding in the woods.

-Ok-said Caroline examining them. She looked at her and knew she was winning instantly, her face changed when she got to her dress. Suck it, blondies- Rebekah, explain why we should pick your dress

-Because is the most beautiful one, dah- she said with a movement of her wrist. She passed her hand through the beads, just mesmerized with them- plus I look gorgeous in it

-Yeah, but you'd look gorgeous in anything. You are just that bitch. I don't know though, it doesn't look like a bridesmaids dress, what do you guys think?

-It's a prom's dress. We all know it, we all pass. Now, I know you look at this and say "it's too slutty", right?- the three of them nodded at Lexi's question- and that's the idea. I'm going just so I can get laid with Klaus, you need something to remind Matt that you're still desired by other men, so he should propose soon and Bonnie needs this to show that she's single and better without Enzo. And maybe even better, in bed with the best man.

-Lexi!

-Come on, Care. All that hate and tension? That's best resolved in bed

Bonnie felt her face on fire. She just hated that now that Enzo was out of the picture, everyone's first though was her hooking up with Damon. Caroline felt bad for this, obviously. You could see it in her face.

-Shut up. Don't listen to her, Bonnie. Pitch us your dress

-Ok- she cleared her throat to make herself feel more confident- I think this dress is perfect for the wedding but also the dance. It's comfortable but eye catching. It is flowy but it still accentuates your figure so you can definitely achieve the sexy with this. It's just less on the nose.

-But where's the fun then?- said Lexi crossing her arms.

-It's her wedding. It shouldn't be fun for you, it should be fun for Caroline- said Bonnie bluntly. She was usually patient with Lexi, but she couldn't help her reaction when someone was coming for her like that.

-Uh, did I say something triggering?

-No Lexie, you were just a bitch- responded Caroline- and Bonnie is right, this is the perfect dress, it fulfills all of your boxes. It's not too long, nor too short. It's flowy, sexy and eye-catching.

-Problem is that I don't look well on yellow, I'm too pale- said Rebekah with her hands on her hips.

-Then just get a spray tan it's not that hard- responded Lexi rolling her eyes- I do it all the time. You're right, Bonnie. I was overstepping a bit. Sometimes I forget we are not actually friends

-Oh my God, you are one of my bridesmaids, how are we not friends?- said or practically screamed Caroline putting her hands on her hips.

-We're friends because of circumstance. I've always been Stefan's best friend, since we were kids, so I had to tag along with you guys or Stefan wasn't going. I get it- she turned around to get into the dressing room, but Caroline followed her to avoid another crisis.

Bonnie knew she should assure her that that wasn't the case, that they were friends. But she didn't feel like lying. It was all true. They had a big group of friends: Care, Stefan, Tyler, Matt, Rebekah, Klaus, Damon, Lexi and herself. They grew up together, except for the Mikaelson's that arrived to Mystic Falls right at the end of middle school but they fitted in almost instantly. She really liked and cared for all of them, but her real friends, the ones she considered her best friends were always Caroline, Damon and Stefan.

She went to her own dressing room and changed into her clothes quickly. This bridal stuff was fun at first, but a real burden now. She just wanted to be home, studying and not being reminded everyday about having to see Damon in a few months. It was draining to just work everyday on ER and now she wasn't just doing that but also helping Caroline and being reminded everyday day of Damon's come back. It was making it all worst.

She was just happy that the next things like décor and the cake were all between her and her two best friends, they could take her mind off of the gruesome ER stuff and the nerve-wrecking Damon stuff.

-All right, that was something- said Caroline when she got out of her dressing room, the other two girls were still on theirs, so they had some nice minutes alone.

-Yeah, it's hard doing all of these things with such different people, huh?

-You have no idea. I love you all, but you guys are too much sometimes.

-I know, I'm sorry

-Oh, don't worry. I know I am too. When you get married, I'll choose a dress bigger than Rebekah did.

-I don't doubt it- they smiled and looked at each other, but Caroline looked away- what are you hiding?

-I'm not hiding anything per se. I was waiting for the right time to tell you.

-And what do you need to tell me?

-I just got a call from Stefan right before we got here.

-And what did he say? It's everything ok?- asked Bonnie hoping it had nothing to do with more wedding work.

-Yeah- Caroline started playing with her purse's zipper and Bonnie knew this wasn't going to be good news for her- he just got a call from Damon

-What?- asked the brunette feeling like her stomach was tied in knots.

-He wants to throw us an engagement party at the Salvatore house. He said he'd pay for everything and Alaric and Jo are delighted. It's very much a settled thing. But you don't have to go if you don't want to

The air seemed to have left her lungs. This was too unexpected, of course he'd do something like this. Bastard. She thought she had some months before seeing him, but of course he changed that. When was this thing anyway?

-When?- she couldn't let anything else leave her mouth, she was mad. Not at Caroline of course, but at him.

-Next week. He wants to come help with some wedding duties and do the party. He's just going to be here for a week and then he'll be gone. I swear I had no idea, Bonnie

-About what?- asked Lexi leaving her dressing room

-Nothing, why don't you try on the yellow dress on you size, please?

-Oki doki. But you need to tell me after that- she said pointing at Caroline

-Of course, Lex

Bonnie calmed down after that interaction, I mean, she had to stop reacting like that when it came to him. If she wanted to let this thing behind she needed to stop caring so much, plus he was the best man, she would have to face him some day. At least it was just a week and then she'd had Mystic Falls for herself.

-I know it's not your fault, Care. I'm just surprised. I thought I had more time to prepare for his awful presence. Plus I don't have Enzo now to block him, so this will be different- she said wincing. She hated that those men had such a big influence in her life for so long. But not anymore.

-I'm so glad you're taking this so good. I never thought I'd have both of you helping pick decorations and stuff

-Wait, what?

-It fits good, guys. I never thought I'd say this, but good job Bonnie- said Rebekah coming out with her yellow dress- I'll have to spray tan, though

-Let me see- said Lexi coming out with her own dress on, they both looked incredible.

-You look gorgeous girls

-Thanks, Care. Now tell us what you didn't know

Caroline sighed. Lexi was relentless and she would get it out of her anyway, they knew it, so Caroline looked at her best friend like asking for permission and Bonnie nodded.

-We are having an engagement party next week- the blondes looked at her knowing there was more to it, so she just said it very quickly- and Damon is hosting it.

Both of them looked at Bonnie and she just tried to maintain an undisturbed face. She knew that's what it was going to be like at the dinner, so she just closed her eyes and tried to focus on something else.

-Ok ladies, get out of your dresses, because we need to go pay for them- said Caroline looking at them very intensely. She just wanted them to stop bothering her best friend and Bonnie appreciated that.

The girls left and Bonnie turned to Caroline.

-You know what? It's fine. I love you and Stefan and I don't want to get in the way of you guys having a great wedding.

-This is why I love you Bonnie! You're just the best

They hugged each other and then took the dresses to pay for them. The brunette decided she wanted to go shopping for a second dress later. She needed one for the engagement party.

* * *

Bonnie was a little bit nervous. This was her big test. It was one of her days off and she wished she was at home studying for her actual big test, but no, here she was terrified because of her fucking ex-best friend. They were going to see each other after two years and they had to work together to help Caroline and Stefan. Her palms were sweaty and she felt like she needed a drink.

But it was 10 am and this wasn't the time nor the place. She was waiting for them outside of the bakery. Caroline had offered to pick her up, but she just needed some fresh air before it all started.

She saw Caroline's car and her heart started pounding. But she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. It worked up until they parked and the first one to come out of the car was Damon.

-Well, well, well. If it isn't Bon Bon herself- he said with that damn crooked smile and looking cool as a cucumber. She hated that he could just be like that while she was literally loosing it in her mind.

-Hi- she just said dryly and then looked at Caroline- how are you, sweetie?- asked Bonnie now with a soft smile on her face.

-Pretty tired actually- responded Damon at the same time that Caroline and Bonnie hugged to say hi.

-Ha ha, very funny. –replied Bonnie rolling her eyes- Hi Stefan, how could you manage not to go to work today?

-I just told them I had to babysit my big brother. It works every time- said the younger Salvatore with a smile on his face.

-Yeah, maybe your boss has a thing for me. Is she going to the wedding?

-Yes, he's going to the wedding.

-Oh, how old is he? I like to keep my options open- responded Damon with a cocky smile and his arms crossed.

-Shut up, Damon. Let's just go inside- said the bride rolling her eyes and taking her best friend's arm in her hand- this is going to be so good Bonnie, I've been dieting for a few weeks now and I can finally cheat today, so we are going all out

-Come on, Care. You have a killer bod, you don't need to do diets.

-That's exactly what I've been telling her- interrupted Stefan from behind them and Caroline turned to give him a peck on the lips

-Oh, come on kids, I didn't sign up for this kind of content- said Damon wincing.

-Grow up- said Caroline rolling her eyes but smiling.

She didn't realize that Damon and Caroline had a relationship on their own. I mean, of course they did before everything happened and she liked how laid back they were, but she didn't realize that after it all went south between her and him, Caroline still had a relationship with him as the brother of her boyfriend. And also, it seems like, her friend.

She didn't hate it, but she wasn't enjoying it either. Nevertheless, she just had to grow up because her friend's relationships didn't revolve around her, so she just had to accept it and move on.

They said hi to the baker who was with the wedding planner, Nora, discussing size and possible designs. He took them to another room with a table and five seats ready. When they were all set, he started bringing different types of cake.

-Oh my God Care, please try the chocolate one- said Bonnie as soon as she put that one in her mouth.

-Hey, stop acting sexual. We are in the middle of something here- said Damon putting a hand in his chest, acting offended.

-Oh, bite me- she responded before putting more cake on her fork.

-Maybe later

She wasn't looking at him, but she knew he had that stupid smile on his face. She had walked right into that one and she wasn't proud of it, so she decided to just stay quiet for the rest of the appointment.

Everything was going good until Caroline asked her for her favorite flavor.

-You heard the lady, she was moaning over the chocolate cake

-I can respond for myself, you ass. And Care, as much as I liked the chocolate one, the tiramisu one was just perfect.

-I didn't hear you moan over that one, though

-Shut up!- said all three of them

-Ok, wrong audience- he said putting his hands up, giving up and she should've let it die there, but she just couldn't.

-And what kind of audience enjoys your dirty jokes and unsolicited opinions?

-Well, all of my friends in New York, Bonnie. But of course you wouldn't know that

-Yeah? Does Elena do too?- she knew she was overstepping but she really just blurted it out before she could think about it.

They all remained in silence for some minutes. Even the baker and the wedding planner seemed to notice the tension in the air, and Bonnie grew guiltier with every second of him not responding.

-I would comment on your single status, but I'm classy. Unlike you- he finally responded, although the humor had left his voice. He wasn't being aggressive either, but hurt, maybe?

-All right, I think we all like the tiramisu one, right?- asked Caroline to try and lighten the mood, but it didn't quite work.

-Yeah, I think that's it- offered Stefan trying to unite the front.

The other two remained quiet while the soon to be married couple decided on the design of the exterior of the cake along with Nora. They only responded yes or no questions when forced, but the couple seemed to realize that they didn't want to talk more in fear of ruining the appointment.

When they got out, they had to go see and decide on the decorations of the venue but the spirits weren't where they should, so no one knew what to do. Bonnie decided to be the bigger person and asked Damon to talk alone before hopping into the car. Caroline looked scared, but she just let them be.

-All right, my offer is no longer standing so don't get your hopes up- he said when they walked away from the car to have some privacy.

-I know I shouldn't have said that,- she said ignoring his joke when they got to a place far enough- but you need to stop with the sexual comments, I'm not comfortable with you talking to me like that, especially in front of people

She had talked very quickly while looking at the floor before she regretted it and when she finished she dared to take a look at him. He was watching her while propping against a wall, classic chill Damon.

-I see that. I mean, we haven't seen each other in a long time and I didn't know that you still hated me that much. But ok, I get it, I guess- he responded shrugging. Clearly victimizing himself.

-I don't hate you, Damon- she clarified while rolling her eyes- I just don't like that you just speak like that to me in front of everyone. I hate that you just sexualize everything and you don't care about what people will think

-Do you really care that much about what people think about you?

-I'm trying to get a job on the hospital of Mystic Falls Damon. Words get around, I need to have a good image to stand a chance. Plus, we can't just hijack Caroline and Stefan's appointments to fight each other, they should be the center of attention, not us.

-Fair enough. But you have to understand that I kind of need a bit of the spotlight

-I know. And I don't care, just don't drag me in it

He nodded and they spent some time quietly, he seemed to have something else to say but was unsure to proceed. She looked at him expectantly while crossing her arms, preparing for what came next.

-I just realized something. You faced your problem head on. Good job, Bonnie Bennet

He nodded while smiling in such a smug way that Bonnie couldn't just let it pass.

-What do you mean by that?

-That you always run from your problems. That's why I thought that you'd go to New York with me, but apparently the problem wasn't Mystic Falls. It was me- he said looking at her as intensely as he could. Then he just turned around and went to the car, leaving her speechless, which was a hard thing to do.

She decided she needed to calm down and not explode in front of everyone, she hated when he did that, he would just do something unexpected and then turn around and leave. She wanted to tell him to stop but then she'd have to talk about the kiss and she wasn't ready for that. She just wanted to forget that even happened.

She just sighed and decided to go back to Caroline's car and just stop talking altogether. She needed to stop stirring the pot because she wasn't ready for what might come out of it. So she got into the car and only talked to Caroline the whole time they were looking for the decorations. It was hard to just ignore the others, but she felt it was safer like that.

* * *

She got to her house, exhausted and drained emotionally from the awkward day she just had. She got to her bed without even making herself dinner and started dwelling on their relationship, how it used to be and how messed up it was right now.

They used to have a really good time together, they were best friends. And while she tried to fall sleep, she remembered vividly one of the last times they hung out as best friends for a whole day.

_It was one of the best summer days, the one where the sun was shining but it wasn't as hot as when you suffocate and don't want to move. So she and Damon decided to go to a nearby lake. Ever since Damon got his car up and running he had taken her everywhere and she loved every minute of it._

_-So, did you bring your bikini?- he said moving his eyebrows at her_

_-Eyes on the road!-she screamed while grabbing on the seat_

_-Oh, come on, witchy. Don't tell me you're scared of me?_

_-Why would I be scared of you, nerd? I'm scared of you losing the control of the vehicle because you keep looking at me._

_-Well I can't help it, you wore a sundress today_

_She rolled her eyes at him, but couldn't help to smile a little. She put it on expecting to have a reaction from him, but she didn't know it would make her feel as warm and fuzzy inside._

_-Well you should still be looking at the road, Damon. And no, I didn't._

_-Oh, why not? I brought mine_

_-Because I don't want to get hypothermia. The lake is surrounded by mountains, that's where the water comes from. It's freezing._

_-And I'm the nerd?- he smiled crookedly and she felt like punching him in the arm. But she composed herself because she wasn't a fifteen year old anymore and she needed to show him that._

_-Yeah, you love comic books and the marvel movies. So, nerd._

_-Hey! Don't disrespect the art of the graphic novel. Yeez, I thought you were more open minded._

_-I am. But you're still a nerd_

_-Look who says it. The Harry Potter fan._

_-It's gonna be classic literature someday, just wait and see._

_-Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say._

_They spend the rest of the ride with a peaceful silence. That's why they liked traveling alone and not with the lovebirds, because Caroline hated silence and Stefan always tried to make her happy so, they were always talking. She knew it wasn't her friend's fault to feel like that, because when your dad leaves the house while your mom is on police duty and all you hear is silence for 15 hours straight, of course you're gonna hate it._

_Especially if it happened when you were seven years old and you never saw your father again._

_They got to the lake and took their stuff to lay in the sun, it was a nice day and not a lot of people were around, so they got lucky._

_She loved the view of the lake, surrounded by beautiful mighty mountains, telling her how small she was. They just sat on a towel and started playing cards, like they did in these trips._

_-I'm getting ahead of you this time, witchy_

_-That's if you don't let your tell sell you_

_-I do not have a tell_

_-Yes, you do_

_-Then what is it?_

_-Why would I tell you? I'd stop beating you_

_-I fucking hate you- he said with the most adorable smile she had seen him sport. His hair was covering his blue eyes slightly, surrounded with little happiness lines. She felt butterflies in her stomach and had to look away before she said something crazy that would ruin this precious friendship._

_-I do to- she whispered not sounding convincing at all._

_He just looked at her for a while, in silence and she could just feel it, but she wasn't brave enough to lift her head. She knew that if she did she'd just tell him how much she loved these little adventures of them and how much she was going to miss him when he'd go to New York. She couldn't let him go there alone and being bitter, so she had to hide her feelings for the time being._

_-So? Anything you'd like to tell me?_

_He could totally see through her and she hated it. So she just stood up and run to the water to feel the cold water on her feet._

_-Come on_

_-All right. I know something's bugging you, but if you rather feel the freezing water, fine._

_-Just come enjoy this with me, please- she said looking back at him, at the same time as he started walking towards her. She kind of felt like in a movie, but she couldn't let him see that._

_-Shit. It's fucking freezing- he whined when he finally got to her side._

_-I told you so_

_-I told you so- he mocked her while rolling his eyes and she just scrunched her face at him. He smiled again and pulled her in for a hug- if you need to tell me something, I'm right here Bonnie._

_-I know, Damon. I... I just don't want to burden you, that's all- she answered with her head buried in his chest_

_-You are my best friend Bennet, you're not a burden at all_

_She smiled while lifting her head and for a moment, she let herself believe she could just let him know everything. All of her heart's desires. Her wanting for him to stay, her wanting to be more than just friends, her wanting to travel the world with him._

_But it was all just her. She didn't know how he felt and she was incredibly scared of losing him if he found out. So she decided to just let him know a part of the truth._

_-I'll just… miss you_

_It was just a whisper and Damon smiled crookedly at her, as usual, making her smile for real._

_-I know you will. I'd miss me too… and I'll miss you- he kissed her in the forehead and they just remained in silence looking at the water move on the lake in front of them._

_She hated that they were all sad before the separation happened because of her so she pulled away to went look for her camera, she knew he loved being in front of the lens and that would cheer them up._

_-Ok, sad times are over, let's have a photoshoot._

_-Great, I'm dying to become a New York model_

_She got to the towel with her stuff and it and took the polaroid camera he had given her for her birthday. She started taking photos of the landscape before taking a picture of him looking all melancholic._

_-Come on, give me more. I got film for ten pictures, you know. You need to give me all kinds of looks, not just sad. No one wants ten sad pictures._

_-Actually I want to take pictures of you, Bonnie. I always look great in every pose so it isn't a challenge to you as a photographer. But taking a good picture of you before you get embarrassed and start making weird faces? That's the challenge._

_She scrunched her face at him once again. But let him have the camera. They spent the rest of the day trying to make her feel comfortable in front of him and before they knew it was starting to get dark. So he took a last picture of her on the sunset and decided to keep that one, he said it was only fair because he had aced the challenge._

_Then they drove off back home._

She could see it all again, the mountains, the water, the stunning sunset colors, Damon and his sweet smiles, she could even hear the click of the camera when he photographed her. She felt the heat from the sun and from her embarrassment from being in front of the lens.

It was such a stark contrast with the way they treated each other now. Always distant, always mad, always trying to one up the other. But she wasn't mad right now, she was just sad. She let herself feel the cold from his attitude for the first time in years.

It was as fucking freezing as the water that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok! I hope you guys liked it, I thought it was time to show why these guys feel so strongly about each other, how it used to be and how it is now. I hope you guys liked it and if so reviews are always welcome :)   
> I really like reading your comments guys, even if they are rants or just you saying you like the story, they keep me wanting to write more. Now if you'd like to have a conversation, you could ask on tumblr and I could rant with you or something, speaking of, I messed up and put the bridesmaids choices last week, instead of now, but anyways, the dresses are there bamon-iridescence.tumblr.com
> 
> Hope you guys have a nice week and you guys like this chapter :)


	4. She just hated him

She made it late to the dinner, but still looked gorgeous, even if she said so herself. Make up was such a gift from the gods to hide all of her exhaustion and the non-slept hours.

She had bought a long black dress. It had long sleeves with little see through details over the arms and the chest, but that was just for cuteness, it wasn't hot or anything. What was hot was the big slit on the skirt, which came all the way up to her thigh. She paired that with a pair of black and silver shoes and let her hair on place with a loose braid.

The house was already filled with people when she came in, everyone was chatting while standing around being served champagne and some light snacks before the main event. She tried to find her best friend but found another blonde instead.

-Wow Bonnie, you decided to let your leg have fun today- said Lexi with a suggestive smile.

-Yes and you decided to buy the white dress, I see

-Yeah, it was the perfect excuse- she smiled at her and Bonnie just decided to let go the animosity between them. Lexi was just blunt and didn't think before she spoke, but she meant well- I just wanted to apologize for making you feel weird

-Well…you… wow… I wasn't expecting that- she admitted with a smile

-I can totally take it back if you want me to

-No, no. I like it. I just didn't think you would

-Yeah… I just forgot what it was like between you two. The fights and all that. It's been so long since you haven't talk to him that I thought that maybe if I told you everything… you guys would… you know, finally come to terms with what happened and we'd all be friends again. I guess it was just wishful thinking.

-It's ok. I understand that nothing's been the same since we stopped talking. But things are still going to be awkward if you sleep with Klaus

-Nah, we have already. This is just our way of getting through all of this.

-WHAT?!

-You never realized? Why else would we sneak out together?

-To smoke weed?

-I mean, yeah, but also. There's nothing like stoned sex

-Ok, ok. I really don't need to know that kind of detail. I appreciate you apologizing, though. I'll try to take it easy on him, maybe that way we can all hang out someday

-That'd be great- said Lexi with a little smile. Bonnie wasn't used to seeing her looking vulnerable, it made her younger looking. It suited her- Oh. I can't not tell you this though, as soon as Damon saw you he spit his drink so… all right, bye

That definitely surprised Bonnie. Especially because she could now feel a pair of eyes on her and she could tell who's eyes it was. Her heart started racing, but her face seemed calm, which was all she could ask of herself.

-So, you kind of look witchier. I dig it- said Damon to her back, of course Lexi left because he was coming over.

-Yeah, you'd like anything that can be made into a triple x fantasy- she said while turning around. He looked hot in a suit. But that wasn't a surprise, he always looked hot. Bastard.

-Ah, you know me so well. I wasn't going to go with the sexy comments, since you despise them so much but since you brought it up, it is kind of a fantasy of mine to be subdued by a witch.

He was awfully close and that wasn't good for her concentration, she almost smiled at his comment, but she caught herself and rolled her eyes instead. Good thing was that at least with the heels on he wasn't as tall so her neck wasn't suffering that much.

-So, when do we start eating? I'm starving

-After blondie makes her big entrance. Should be soon, though

They stayed silent, for once there wasn't animosity between them so it felt good to just be quiet and look around the room. She could feel his eyes on her though, and that wasn't making her more comfortable.

-Mmm... I… am going to make myself a drink, smell ya later

She knew that wasn't the smoothest exit and it kind of made her feel like an idiot. Especially after listening at his soft laugh behind her. He knew the effect he had in her and it made her angry. She just wished she had that effect on him too.

Well, according to Lexi, she did.

So she decided to try something. She took some champagne from a waiter and wandered around while looking at the guys in the room. Most of them were her friends, so of course she wasn't going to flirt with them, but maybe she could do that with Stefan's co-workers. Or Caroline's.

There was a very hot guy looking at her from a distance. She looked back at him and that was all it took from him to come to her. Well, that was easy. She still had it.

-Hello there, I'm Jamie- he said kissing her hand. Kind of charming and kind of sappy, to be honest.

-Hi, Bonnie. Are you friends with Stefan or Caroline?- she asked while feeling a pair of familiar eyes on her. She looked up and yes, there he was. Very angry and determined eyes were fixated on her while he drank from his glass. Point for Bonnie.

-Stefan, we work together at the law firm- responded Jamie making her attention come back to him. He was very cute. Tall, dark and grey eyes. Also a very beautiful smile. Maybe this could be more than a test for Damon, he seemed to have a similar idea in mind and she had spent a long time away from human contact.

-Oh, that must be exhausting.

-Not really, when you like what you do.

-Yeah, I know. I'm finishing my residency on ER and as awful as it is sometimes I just love being able to be there

-Yeah, that must be hard

She was going to say something but someone collided with Jamie and spilled all of his drink on his vest.

-Damon!- she screamed, of course it was him.

-What? Oh Bonnie, I'm so sorry I spilled on your date. I'm just so clumsy- he said not convincing at all. She hated that guy sometimes.

-Oh, yeah? You never spill good bourbon. That just doesn't happen.

-You guys know each other?

-Yeah, he's Stefan's brother- responded Bonnie before chugging the whole glass of champagne.

-Well… I guess I'll just make myself scarce now- he said surprising her but delighting Damon, apparently, who smiled content.

-What? Why?

-Because I have to clean this up and I don't want to get in the way between you two

-What do you mean?- she asked him while he disappeared- what the fuck Damon?

-What? I made you a favor, that loser's a coward. You can do much better

-I don't need your help, Damon- she turned around to stay away from him, she was starting to get angry again.

-Oh, come on, Bon Bon. I'll help you find someone better suited

-I don't want you to!- she almost screamed while turning to face him startling some people around them- also I just wanted to have a nice conversation with a guy and maybe go home with him after and I don't need you to approve of men for me. I need you to stay away.

-Well… you were boring him to death with you ER thingy. I think I might've saved him

He seemed a bit defensive but more taken aback. And she was more pissed than she cared to admit. Which was weird considering she started it all. She knew that but she just hated that he still felt like he could influence her decisions or anything in her life.

Which meant, she proved her hypothesis and she hated the outcome.

-I don't need your help, Damon- she repeated calmer now before turning around, she was afraid that he was going to follow her again but Caroline made her big entrance, coming down the stairs with a huge blue dress on and they all went on to sit on their respective tables.

She was of course in the same table as the bride and groom and best man. Good thing was that the whole court was there too, so at least the other people kept the conversation going long enough for her to not have to talk.

-Are you ok, Bonnie?- asked Caroline after her not speaking for at least twenty minutes.

-Yeah, I'm just tired- her friend looked at her with doubts so she reassured her- I had to take a double shift to be here today, so I worked twenty hours straight. I did sleep at least five hours before getting here, though, so you don't need to worry.

-Of course I worry. Why didn't you tell me, we could've worked things out

-What for? You'd still make her work on your wedding on her days off- interrupted Damon before drinking all the contents of his glass.

That made Caroline look down, seemingly guilty so she decided to take her friends hand and squeeze it to make her feel better.

-It's ok. I'm ok. I chose this- she smiled at her best friend and she seemed to believe her. As she should, it was all true. She was exhausted but she was also very happy about helping her friend. And about tonight, she had to make some arrangements with some colleagues but she made it and that had given her the energy to get there and try to have a good time.

It had worked out until her little fight with Damon. Maybe that's why it drove her over the edge in such little time. She was exhausted, it had been an awful shift and when she was finally forgetting about it with a new guy he came and destroyed her chances of getting laid and getting all of the stress out of her body.

Yeah, that's probably why. It wasn't because she secretly wished he offered himself instead.

Nah. She was mad at him for continually screwing her over with the excuse of helping. Like what he just did, making Caroline feel bad for needing her maid of honor, that wasn't cool.

She could feel him looking at her, so she gathered all of her anger and looked back.

Damn it. He looked like a sad puppy. For real, though. This wasn't just a way of getting himself off the hook, he actually looked sorry. And just like that all of her anger went away.

Damn it. She really hated him sometimes.

* * *

-Thank you all for being here, celebrating this amazing new journey with us- said Stefan before everyone clapped.

He and Caroline were saying their toasts to finish the party. It had gone great, actually. When the dessert got to the table, Damon gave his to Bonnie, making everyone look at him with secret smiles. He just blurted out "peace offering" and Stefan made a toast to his brother for actually growing up.

They all knew it was so that the tension and the looks disappeared. Stefan was a good brother like that.

So with two chocolate cakes on her belly and a shit ton of champagne she was feeling amazing. She had started talking and joking and things went a lot smoother.

-We'll see you at the wedding rehearsal- said Caroline finishing off the thankful toast and everyone clapped and laughed, before starting to stand up.

-It was amazing, Care. And I love your dress.

-I love yours too!- screamed the blonde while hugging her, clearly the champagne had gotten to her.

-You do look gorgeous, Bonnie- said Jamie behind them. Caroline smiled and just left them alone without saying anything. She could just laugh at her drunken and not subtle best friend.

-Thank you, Jamie.

-You know, I wasn't sure if I should make a move on you after what Klaus said, but I just think you're too damn beautiful for me to ruin my opportunity.

-I'm sorry, what? What did Klaus say?

-Oh… nothing, can we focus on the other part?- he said looking every part of her body but her eyes.

-Tell me- she demanded taking a step forward and looking at him as intimidating as possible.

-Ok, fine… he said that you were just out of a long distance relationship and that you'd probably be looking for a rebound guy. I thought that maybe, you'd be too clingy or talking about him or something and then Damon showed up and I thought that meant he called dibs on you… I didn't know what to do, but since you told Damon you only want to have a one night stand…

-When did I say that?- she said starting to feel furious, these damn men would be the death of her.

-When he threw his drink at me, I mean… I'm sorry… are we on the same page?

-No. Get the fuck out of my face.

-But-

-You heard the lady. "Make yourself scarce" – said Damon from behind her, of course he was there again.

Jamie left and Bonnie felt like kicking every men on earth on the balls.

-Did you know?- she said with her back at him.

He stayed quiet for a bit so she turned around and looked at him in the eyes. He seemed pissed, but also a little bit wary.

-It's Klaus. He's an asshole, what did you expect?

-I didn't ask you that

-Ok- he sighed and put his hand on his hips, ready for her attack- yes, he said it to all of Stefan's colleagues when you came in.

-Why the fuck didn't you just tell me?

-Oh, so now you actually wanted my help? Didn't you say you didn't need it?

-Oh, for fucks sake. Why did you interrupt us and spilled bourbon on him instead of just telling me he was an asshole?- she was speaking too loud and she was well aware, but there weren't people around them anymore and she was even more mad than she was before.

-Because you wouldn't have believed me. I thought that if I did it, he'd just understand that you were off limits.

-So you preferred to assert your dominance instead of just let me make my own choices?

-What? Would've you slept with him?

-I don't know Damon but that's my decision and you shouldn't be here making it for me- she said trying to calm down because she felt like she was about to explode

-I was protecting you

-I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING HELP! – she screamed before she could stop herself- I'VE SURVIVED EIGHT YEARS WITHOUT YOU DAMON. I SURVIVED MED-SCHOOL, MY GRAMS DYING, MY PATIENTS DYING, MY FIRST RELATIONSHIP FAILING! EVERYTHING! I … I survived everything without you.

They fell into a silence and as unexpected as her outburst was, the tears started streaming down her face also were. She felt suffocated, like the walls were closing on her, she needed to leave the house. She left Damon standing there alone and started walking home. She wanted to run, but those stupid heels would kill her ankles if she tried.

Those screams had surprised even her. She knew she used to have feelings like those before but she thought they were gone. She thought that after all those years she had gotten over it.

Apparently not .

She couldn't stop the tears from coming and she was one second away from starting sobbing on the street, God, why did she use those heels? If it wouldn't hurt her feet she'd take them off.

She hated that she was feeling like that even after eight years, she hated that it still hurt her so much and that he could trigger her so hard. She was mess and she knew it and worst of all, Damon knew it.

A car stopped by her side and she hid her face.

-Hey Bonnie- whispered Stefan very quietly, while getting out of the car.

She wanted to keep walking, but she also just wanted to be held by someone who knew her and loved her despite everything.

-I'm so sorry- she said before throwing herself into his arms. He held her tight and rocked her while she started sobbing.

-You have nothing to be sorry about

They remained like that until Bonnie could finally calm herself. She pulled away embarrassed.

-Do you want to get in the car? I bet those shoes are killing you- he said with a soft smile. He was the best at comforting people. She nodded and they got inside of the car. As soon as she could she took her heels off and he started the car to get her home.

-I'm actually sorry, Stefan

-And you actually have nothing to be sorry about

-Yes, I do. I made a scene. And it wasn't even worth it, it was such a stupid thing and I blew it out of proportion.

-I think you had just kept things inside of you for too long and this was just the last straw. You have been working your ass off on ER, now with us to help with the wedding stuff and on top of that my brother decided to come and stress you even more. Of course you exploded, Bonnie. I actually think you handled it quiet well.

-Yeah?- she said with a sad smile- I think I yelled at Damon for something that I shouldn't have. It wasn't the time nor the place.

-It never is. My brother is a handful. You, out of all people know that and after dealing with him for years you finally snapped. It happens to the best of us.

-You too?

-Oh yeah- he nodded a little too enthusiastically, but didn't add anything to that topic- But you need to now that he means well, he's not a dick just to be a dick.

-I used to think that but I'm not so sure anymore.

-Well… - he sighed- he makes bad choices, but he cares about you. He has a weird way of showing it, though.

-What makes you say that? What if he just enjoys patronizing me?

-Well, take this for example. We only heard screams, I didn't know what was going on and before I could come down stairs he was on my bedroom door begging me to come get you, so you'd get home safe.

She wasn't expecting that at all, she thought Stefan heard everything and went after her to clean up his brother's mess. But apparently he did care a bit.

-Ok, he's still a dick though. He could've come himself.

-He said he was sure you wouldn't accept a ride from him.

Well, the son a bitch knew her. She was never going to get on a car with him right after she yelled at him for abandoning her, because let's be honest, they all knew what those screams were really about. She let out years of resentment and pain out in the open for him to see. He knew now what she truly felt like. Like he abandoned her. Just like her mother.

Oh God. This was definitely something to dwell on later, right now she didn't have the energy.

They got to her house and she sighed relieved, only problem was, she had to put those damn shoes on again.

-Thank you Stefan. You are a great friend.

-Hold on, my duty is not over yet- he said before getting out of the car and coming to her side- hop on

-What?

-Yeah, I'll give you a piggy ride, it's been years. I kinda miss it- he said with his back on her and his knees bent. She just smiled and hopped on his back- well this got a bit harder

-That's because we're older- she said between laughs. God she loved her friends, they always made her feel better.

-Yeah, and I can't go to the gym anymore, there's no time.

He got her safe inside of her house and they hugged one last time. Then, she got inside and drank two glasses of water, because with all of the alcohol plus the tears, she knew she'd be dehydrated tomorrow and she had to work in the afternoon so she couldn't just let herself have a hungover.

She took a bottle of water to her bedroom and an advil just to be sure. She was incredibly tired and emotionally drained to care about her pajamas so she just took her clothes off and slept on her underwear and as soon as she covered herself she felt asleep.

* * *

The next day was a good day, a night shift. So she could sleep until her body decided to stop and then she ate some Thai food she got delivered.

The shift was a regular one, not many emergencies that night. A few minor things, but one of those was a toddler with a broken arm, so her head was about to explode because of his crying. She was out at six am.

Another person who was outside of the hospital at six am was Damon. She immediately felt like turning back and hiding inside the hospital until he got bored and left, but she decided to be more mature and walked right past him.

-I know I'm the last person you want to see right now Bonnie, but I need to talk to you before I go.

-I don't need a ride, Damon- she responded without stopping and she could feel him walking behind her.

-But you could use one, I bet you're really tired.

God, this man was relentless. Her phone had at least thirty missed calls from him and he didn't seem to take the hint that she didn't picked up for a reason.

-I don't want to. I want to walk home alone, so please leave me alone.

-Oh come on, Bonnie. Imagine I'm just your uber ride, you get on my car, I talk, let you in your house and then you forget about me for months.

-Or I can just forget about you now

-All right, I'll walk with you then

-I just want to walk home alone, Damon- she stopped to look at him in the eyes for the next part, pleading him to leave her alone with one look- today's been a very long day, I just finished a twelve hour shift and I really need to stop arguing with you and just be on my bed.

-Then the more reason I take you home in my car. We don't need to argue, Bonnie. We can talk like grown ups. I just really need to say this.

She just started to walk away from him without any answer, but he followed her, a few steps behind. She turned around starting to get mad.

\- What part did you not understand Damon?

-The part where you'd rather walk home alone and get yourself robbed or killed instead of having me walk in silence behind you

-Nothing ever happens in Mystic Falls, I don't need your protection

-Didn't you say that you were twelve hours on ER? That sounds like an eventful town to me, Bonnie. You've seen people die, too. So I'm not taking any chances.

She hated it, but he was right. She stopped feeling safe at night after working at ER in the hospital. So she just gave up, she was too tired to keep fighting, and her rational side knew she should just go with him to his car.

-Fine, but we're taking your car.

-Yes!- he said smiling and taking his keys out to open the car.

-Oh and I don't wanna talk about what happened the other night.

-You won't. I'll take you to your house while I speak and you just listen.

She nodded and they started walking towards the car, once they got there he opened the door for her. He was obviously trying to be charming, the bastard. She shouldn't really be mad, because she knew she owed him an apology too, but she just hated how he imposed himself like that, never taking a no for an answer. He always drove her over the edge.

He got into the car and turned to her with a determined look in his eyes.

-Ok, first of all, you were right. I should've told you about Klaus' stupid comments and I should've told you that that idiot was there because of said comments. I shouldn't have made your decision for you, since you're a grown up and you don't need my help and haven't need it in a while.

He said it all very fast and it seemed rehearsed. It made sense actually, he probably realized he messed up when he saw her crying so he tried to make her feel better telling her exactly what she wanted to hear and he didn't want to let anything out of his apology.

That didn't really made her feel better, though. She was right, he messed up. Ok, and? It felt flat. But she didn't want to keep discussing the issue anymore, because the issue wasn't what he thought it was. The issue was he abandoned her and neither of them were ready to discuss that.

She didn't respond and he sighed and started the car as promised.

-Why haven't you taken your car to New York? -She asked after a silence

-Because there's no use to having a car in New York- he responded somewhat surprised it seemed, he was expecting something else from the apology, apparently. But she wasn't going to give him what he wanted.

-Then why haven't you sold it?

-Are you crazy? This is my baby. My first project and the thing that inspired my business

That was right. Damon started his own bussiness from scratch by buying old, damaged cars and turning them into treasures. I mean, of course, having the Salvatore money helped, but it was still impressive that he took that and turned it into a profitable enterprise, with employees and everything. She didn't want to tell him that she admired that about him, so she just decided to change the subject and ask him something she had been dying to ask.

-Why are you on Mystic Falls Damon?

-What? – that seemed to take him by surprise, but he recovered soon enough- Can't I do something nice for my little brother? Do you really think I'm such an asshole that I need an ulterior motive?

-Well, you haven't done anything like it, ever. So, of course I have my doubts

-I made Elena a party for her birthday once

-All right. You haven't done anything like it for any of us, the ones you left behind- his jaw tightened. She knew he hated the term but she couldn't help to use it, that's how it felt. She knew it made room for him to address her meltdown but she didn't care, she felt courageous.

-Why would I do that before? Nothing good ever happens in your lives - she knew he said that to get back at her, but after a silence he started being more honest- But now my brother is marrying his high school sweetheart. Terrible decision if you ask me. Not because of her, but because he hadn't been with many women. But he seemed happy, so I decided to join on the fun.

-I think it's romantic. I mean, when you know you just know. You don't need to date much to know who's your soulmate- she argued defending her friends.

-Was it like that with Enzo?- she looked at him confused, he was asking a serious question though and he had been honest before so she felt like she had to answer. After all, she started all of this.

-At first it was. But we couldn't take the whole distance relationship thing. And Elena? Is she your soulmate?

-Nah. I loved her and she loved me, but she was also with me because she was trying to rebel against her parents. And then she was trying to change me in every way she could.

-Im sorry to hear that- she whispered surprised at how much he had opened up with her, maybe her outburst inspired him to start being more honest. Or maybe he just needed to talk.

-Me too

They remained in silence until they arrived to her house. He pulled over and she decided to try it one more time

-Can you be truthful with me and tell me why you decided to throw this party and come here months before the ceremony?

His jaw tightened and he got out of the car to get her door open. He took her hand to help her out of it and started walking her to the door.

\- I wanted to see you- he responded once they got to her porch.

\- What? Why?

\- Because Stefan told me you were single again. He also told me you'd been killing yourself between the hospital shifts and this wedding. I wanted to know how you were doing. And I know I shouldn't talk about it, but for the looks of it, you don't seem to be doing so well.

She sighed, hating that he was right in the last part. But was it true, though? Was he here to check on her? She looked at him looking for a lie or a joke but there wasn't any. He was telling her the truth and she didn't know how to feel about it.

-Why did you need to check up on me?

-Because now that he's gone we can actually have conversations again

-Don't put the blame on him, Damon. We had stopped talking long before he appeared in my life

-True. But there was still a little bit of banter.

They stayed quiet for a bit, until Bonnie realized she didn't have anything else to say.

-I think it's better if I just go inside now

-Ok. Just one last thing- he said taking a step forward- make that two. Stop letting blondie take over your free time. You deserve to rest, I know you feel like you have to constantly be there for everyone, but you don't. She's an adult, she can candle herself.

She hated that he still knew her so well. He was right, she felt like she had to be there all the time for her friends, and that was starting to take a toll on her.

-Thank you. As much as I hate to admit it, you're right. And the second thing?

-You look beautiful on your white coat- he whispered before turning around and getting into the car.

She hated that man most of the time. She hated that he always said something to startle her right before leaving, so he didn't have to explain himself.

She decided to just go inside to sleep. She didn't have to talk to him anymore, she had months now to just be alone with her thoughts and study and work and get him out of her mind. She hated that they talked a little for a few days, but he could still read her like a book and stun her like that. She was feeling like she did all those years ago.

She was used to keep everything bottled down, everything under control, she only cried alone on her house when she just couldn't keep it together anymore, but he always had her on edge. He made her smile, scream, laugh, cry, fluster and get so angry.

She also hated that she hadn't realized that the reason why she was so hurt by it all was her own abandonment issues. She was usually smart about these things. Although it was probably harder when it was you, who you had to analyze.

She stopped herself from thinking again and tried to sleep as much as her body needed. Actually, scratch that, as much as her body could, she had been treating it unfairly lately and she needed to give it some love.

Her mind drifted soon enough, but not before she could hear his complement in her mind again. She really did hate him.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed that rollercoaster. I know a lot of you picked up on the fact that there were some deeper things going on in the fall out and that they couldn't be that mad just to be mad. I wanted to give you the same mindset as Bonnie, so that you could realize it at the same time as her, because she usually just keep going, trying not to think about stuff and then when she finally does it hits her like a ton of bricks. 
> 
> I'm thinking about uplouding tuesdays and having a sneak peak on mondays on the tumblr. In case anyone wants to see that :) Also the picture of Bonnie's dress is going to be there as well soon enough.
> 
> Anyway, I love reading your reviews! Thank you so much, they keep me going :) And if you want to have a conversation you can always send me an ask on the tumblr blog :)
> 
> Happy reading!


	5. The storm

After months and months of studying and helping Caroline on her free time, she had finally done the big test to become a certified doctor. She had been texting with Damon since he went back to New York, trying to maintain a shallow friendship so they don't have more "butting heads" moments on the days close to the wedding.

Their last interaction had left her worried, thought. He had sent her a text out of the blue at three a.m. on a Saturday

_**I think we should stop being immature babies. For Stefan's sake. And blondie's.** _

_You're right. I still haven't forgave you, but in the name of our old friendship I can bury the hatchet for the wedding._

_**Good, because I wasn't going to give you a break much longer than that.** _

_It doesn't matter. You'll be in New York after this, so I couldn't care less_

_**Well you should care, because I'm thinking about opening a franchise, so obviously the first place where we'll start business besides New York is there. And guess who's dying to make you regret those words?** _

She was fucked. But she decided to put that in the back of her mind while she studied for her test and helped Caroline with the wedding. Plus, he was obviously sending someone else there, he had a life in New York, he was just trying to get under her skin.

Anyways, June was finally here and she was waiting for the results. Finally, after years and years of hard work she would be able to call herself a Doctor. She was ecstatic and nervous. If she didn't pass, she didn't know what she'd do and if she did, she had no idea either.

Caroline was busy but had sent her a text wishing her luck. She was rereading it when another text got to her phone

_**Hey witchy, I hope you're doing ok with all the stress. You'll get the best score of them all, I'm sure. I already bribed them.** _

Damon? It was weird. She hadn't told him that the results where due that day. She couldn't help but to smile, though, she kind of needed that.

_How did you know?_

_**I told you, I bribed them. Jk, Blondie posted it on Instagram.** _

Oh God. She looked for her best friend's Instagram page and she had uploaded an insta story wishing her good luck, it was a picture of them when they were 18 and just getting into college. She smiled wider.

_Well, thank you. I hope I don't have to pay you back for the bribe_

_**Nah, you just need to not step on my feet when we dance.** _

_Done._

She looked at her phone with a small smile and saw that the results were already online. Her smile transformed into a fine tight line and her eyes widened as she looked for her name in the list with the results.

Her heart was racing and her phone wasn't really secure in her hands as they were sweaty and clumsy but she found the only  _Bennet_  in the list. She took a deep breath and looked at the final score.

She had passed. And with a very good score.

She let out a scream of joy a started dancing happily on her living room. God she was so ecstatic, she felt like she was walking (or dancing) on a cloud.

_**And?** _

_I PASSD! OH MY GDD DMON I DID JTT_

She wasn't writing as well as usual but she didn't care, she was finally a doctor and no one could take that away from her.

_**Congratulations witchy, see? Told you. You are the best. Even though you write like shit.** _

She laughed out loud at how weird this was. The first person she told was Damon? Really? They hadn't spoken for years and now he was the first to know she was officially a doctor?

It felt weird, but not the kind that makes you uneasy. It was the kind that made the air feel in your lungs inexistent and your stomach filled with butterflies.

Ok, it was time she texted Caroline and Stefan and a few of her co-workers.

She told everyone she had to tell but she didn't feel quite as excited as she did telling him, which made sense really, since she was talking to him and he was distracting her from how nervous she was.

Yeah, that was totally the reason.

Caroline texted that she was coming over with Stefan and champagne to celebrate as soon as they could. She loved the idea, but she couldn't help but to feel that it would've been much better if Damon was coming with them as well.

She hated that he still had such a big pull on her. But he was very important to her while growing up.

She remembered him as being the reason she wanted to get out of bed when her mother "went to another state to work". She left her with her Grams, sold the house to pay for her new life and told her that she'd come back on summer and maybe try to transfer her there when she had settled in.

About a month later they stopped getting calls from her and when they went to look for her, they discovered she had never gone to New Orleans. She didn't live where she said she did. She had just abandoned her.

She was ten. Her dad had died the year before and her mother hadn't really recovered from it, so she thought that maybe going to another state would help her move on. It helped too much apparently.

Her Grams worked hard for her to feel loved and to not have financial needs. She was so proud of her for getting into med-school. She just wished she could tell her she was finally a doctor now.

Her eyes started watering and she decided to focus on something else before she started crying, it was a good day, a happy day. She had to be happy.

She remembered the time when she finally accepted that her mom wasn't coming back. She cried herself to sleep every night for a whole month. She tried to not show how sad she was to the world, and apparently, everyone believed she was taking it good. Except for Damon.

He started picking her up to go to school on his bike. Everyday, he would knock on her door when she was brushing her teeth and everyday her Grams would give him an apple as a gift. He used to say that that was the reason for him picking her up.

He helped her get better. She didn't want to go to school or to wake up at all for a few days after her mom decided she wasn't enough to stay on Mystic Falls or to take with her, but knowing that he was out there, waiting for her made her stand up and go on.

At first she kind of resented him for making her get out of bed every day, but then it started making her happy, seeing him talking to her Grams when she got out of the bathroom each morning, with his blue eyes full of life and excitement for the day ahead. Some of that joy started rubbing off on her and she started feeling better about life in general.

At first it was just him doing the talking on their way to school, but as the time passed she started feeling better and talking more. They talked about anything and everything. Classes, their classmates, tv shows, UFO's, conspiracy theories, you name it. He would come home with her when they got out of school as well. And sometimes he hung out with her on her Grams house.

So when his parents died in a car accident, she was there for him every step of the way. He used to say that it was ironic, how they were best friends and both lost their parents. She never told him she hated that, because her mom decided to leave her, unlike her dad and his parents.

People looked at them like they were freaks for a while, because they were both orphans and always together. He made sure no one looked at Stefan that way, though. He could take it, but he hated that people treated his brother differently because of their loss.

That's when they started getting really close, because no one else knew what it was like. Caroline could feel the abandonment as she did, but the blonde still had her loving mom. Damon understood what it was to not have parents.

A memory came to her mind from the first anniversary of Damon's parents dying. Stefan had insisted on going to the cemetery but Damon decided to just go to a park instead and Bonnie tagged along.

_They were sitting on a pair of swings. It was cold and cloudy, but she was just happy to be there with her friend, even when he wasn't talking that much. It seemed like he hadn't slept for a few days now, with dark circles making a stark contrast against his pale skin and lost eyes._

_He seemed absent, moving barely his feet to move the swing and looking at the ground like he was looking for answers._

_-Why did you want to come here, Damon?_

_She thought he wasn't going to respond but she needed to know that he wasn't falling apart inside and she didn't know how else to make him open up to her._

_-Because this was our favorite park growing up. Mom used to be with me, here, and dad was always with Stefan, on that sand box. He was always much more social, so he wanted to be there with the other kids and my dad always followed him. He was scared that he was going to get hurt, because he was so much more sensitive than I was. Mom used to say that it would be the other way around, because I was sensitive but never really showed it and it hurt me more._

_-She was right. You always try to put on a façade, but you're a very sensitive guy_

_-No, I'm not. I'm a macho- he said furrowing his brows, making her smile._

_-Even now, you try to seem strong. But it's ok Damon, I still cry every anniversary of my dad's death._

_He stayed quiet for a while, not looking at her and clearly biting his lips from inside of his mouth._

_-Do you think they can see us? Like... If there's a heaven, do you think they can look down on us?- he asked suddenly and very quietly._

_-I hope so. I'd like for my father to know that I'm doing fine_

_-I wouldn't go as far as to say you're doing fine, but go on_

_-I think I'm doing better than he could expect. I was a daddy's girl._

_-Yeah… I think he would be proud of you too. Sorry_

_-It's fine. I think your parents would be proud of you as well._

_They stayed silent after that. The only noise was the one of the chains of the swings. He was still looking to the ground._

_-But what if they didn't go to heaven?_

_-Why wouldn't they?_

_-I don't know. It was just an idea._

_She stood up and walked towards his swing, making him take his eyes off the ground._

_-Stand up- she demanded and he obliged, suspicious of her._

_-Why?_

_-Because you need something- she said before hugging him. He froze for a few seconds, they were friends and they had each other's backs all the time, but they weren't big on physical contact. Either way, he hugged her back and buried his head into her neck. He was just a little bit taller than she._

_They stayed like that for a few minutes, making her worry that she had broken him, but when he pulled away, he looked less tortured, he had a few tears coming down but he wasn't as miserable as before._

_-I didn't know you did hugs. I've been wasting my time here, behaving myself- he joked with a smile that finally kind of reached his eyes._

_-I don't do hugs, only on special occasions._

_-Like death anniversaries?-he asked with a crooked smile, his humor was back._

_-Yeah_

_They left the park soon after, feeling warmer than when they arrived._

That day, though, changed their relationship forever. After that day Damon started making up excuses every day for more physical contact, saying everyday was a special occasion.

It started with the little things, like him putting his hand in the small of her back when he was walking past her, hugging her from the side when walking down the school corridors or slight touches in her arms when she least expected it. Until she finally gave in and started reciprocating these "accidental/minimal touches" as he called them.

They started hugging more, standing closer to each other, sitting closer to each other, until it was second nature being into each other's personal space.

That's why no one could blame her for having a crush on him. They were always together, they knew everything about each other and they were all up into each other's personal bubble. That could make everyone question their true feelings.

So she had a crush on him? Big deal. Every girl in Mystic Falls had a crush on him and they didn't even know him like she did.

The rational part of her brain wanted to call her out on her bullshit. Those girls had crushed on him because they didn't know him. She had feelings for him. The real him.

Her doorbell rang and she almost jumped out of her seat, feeling as if someone caught her saying that out loud. She remembered her friends were here to celebrate so she calmed herself, tried to remember that they couldn't read her mind and went on to open the door.

* * *

-This is such a milestone, Bonnie I'm so proud of you- said Stefan while serving them champagne.

-I knew you'd ace this test Bonnie, didn't I tell you? You're so amazing

-Caroline, I'm already your maid of honor, you don't need to suck up to me anymore

-I'm not doing that! I'm just super happy right now! Being on real life emergencies has really helped you grow up

-What do you mean?

-You're much more assertive now. Remember how you'd always run away from confrontation? Especially since the New York fiasco… But lately, you've been more of a badass.

-Well… Maybe it's helped but it's not like I have done that much confrontation on ER. I don't call the shots yet on any of my patients. I'm a resident still so another doctor decides what's best for them. I'm a subordinate. But they had asked me what I'd do and that has helped me come up with quick ideas and not to hesitate so much, so maybe it was helped me improve with that on my personal life.

-Yeah, you're more mature since getting into residency- intervened Stefan

-Maybe that's why this whole wedding and Damon thing has been working out so good

-Good? Are we not talking about how the engagement party now?- asked Bonnie trying to be more self-aware. And confrontational, her friends were right, she needed to start growing up.

-Oh, that had to happen, you guys needed to have a real conversation where everything was just out, there's no way you can move on without it

-Yeah, you're right, Care- she said absently while moving the liquid in her glass.

She had said a lot more than she intended on that night, but it was all her. Damon just took all of her anger and then apologized to her the next day. Did he have anything to say to her? After all both of them were very angry at each other for a few years. Did he realized he messed up and decided to stop bothering her or what?

-Well, so what are you going to do with your newfound free time?- asked Stefan, taking her out of her thoughts.

-Ummm…

-There's so much to do!- interrupted Caroline - we'll finally get to spend time on the details. The flowers, the sitting arrangements, the dresses...

-Well... Not that much time, though. I'm applying immediately to the Mystic Falls' Hospital. So, I don't know how much time I'll have.

-But... but we need to rehearse the dance and everything.

-Yeah, and I'll do it as much as I can, but if I get called back I'm going to take my chance, Care

-But Bonnie… I need you.

-And I need to have a job Caroline. What if I don't apply soon enough and they just don't need me later on?

-Of course they'll need you afterwards, but you should take a vacation before starting working again.

She wasn't looking at her in the eyes, of course she wasn't being genuine. That made her even more angry.

-So I can just be your puppet until the wedding?- asked Bonnie crossing her arms.

-What?

-Guys...

-No Stefan, let her finish

-I said what I said. I've been devoting all of my free time to you Caroline and it still isn't enough for you

They wanted her to be more confrontational? She could give them confrontational.

-You're my maid of honor

-I didn't ask you for this Caroline

Caroline looked impressed and very hurt, which made her want to take it all back, but before she could speak, her best friend cleared her throat.

-Fine. I hope you get the job. Let's go Stefan.

-I'm so sorry Bonnie- he said before hugging her tight and going behind his future wife.

Bonnie knew that it had hurt Caroline's plans but she needed a job, she couldn't just sit around, doing as Caroline wanted and looking pretty. She needed to work.

So she was going to lose a few rehearsals? big deal. Saving people was way more important than a dance sequence.

Yeah, that definitely wasn't convincing her that what she did was ok.

She hated hurting her friend, the image of sadness on those blue eyes came back and made her regret saying everything. This was all Damon's fault for putting those ideas in her mind.

I mean, she was tired and she was spending all of her free time with the bridal stuff instead of studying but she had passed. She had also slept only three hours a night the last couple of weeks to try and be successful in everything, but that had been her decision.

She had decided to do all of those things, even if she hadn't asked to be Caroline's maid of honor. Well, in all honesty, she kind of have done it a few years back. When they were like, eight. But she had no idea how much work it was or how busy she would be once the marriage proposal finally arrived.

She didn't know what to do, there was no way she could fix it and she still had a lot of champagne so she decided to drink it all and then sleep so her body could finally heal from the last couple of weeks.

She drank the whole bottle while watching Friends on Netflix and then looked for some other alcohol in her house and found a bottle of whiskey. She decided it was time to drink it, as a celebration of her success. And as a distraction from her fight.

She drank so much that she didn't realize the sun had gone down and decided it was time to go to sleep. But once she got to her bed she couldn't stop thinking about Caroline and Damon and the whole confrontation thing. They wanted her to be more assertive? To not run away from problems? Fine, it was time she did. She took her phone and called the reason of all of this.

-Hello? Bonnie? It's everything ok?- he asked sleepy but kind of worried. What a prick.

-No

-What happened?- he asked sounding fully awake now

-You're a jerk.

-…What?

-You told me to stand up for myself and I did and I got Caroline hurt.

-Are you seriously calling me at two a.m. on a Wednesday to tell me you got on a fight with Caroline because of an advice I have you months ago?

-Yes! This is all your fault!- she knew she was taking it too far but she couldn't really stop now.

-Are you drunk?

-No- she said unconvincing

-Oh my God Bonnie, why don't you go back to sleep and we can talk about this when I get to Mystic Falls on Friday?

-No, I need you to fix this now

-How can I fix this at two a.m. from New York?

-I don't know, but this is your fault, you need to fix this

-Bonnie, I can't handle you right now, ok ? I'm going to bed?

-Handle me? I'm a grown woman, not a child!

-Then act like one!- he yelled

\- Classic Damon. Always messing up and letting other people take the fault. I'm tired of this bullshit.

-Well, I'm tired of it too. I thought we were on good terms, I texted you today to see how you were doing but apparently, everything I do is wrong on your eyes

-It is!

-Fine, then don't talk to me anymore. It's over, I'm done trying to make things right, this thing is beyond saving.

He hung up before she could make a rebuttal, making her feel angrier and somewhat sad.

She started crying without noticing and before she could stop herself, she was fully sobbing alone in her bed. Today was supposed to be an amazing day, she was going to pass, celebrate with her best friends, she was making amends with Damon. Everything was peachy. Like a sunny day that had suddenly erupted into a storm, with heavy rain, thunder and lightning included.

She knew deep down that she was being dramatic, but she couldn't help but to feel this way.

She also knew she shouldn't have called Damon, she was drunk and mad and yelled at him for all the wrong reasons again and she lost what little advance she had made with him. She also lost her best friend's support. She was all alone again.

She was well aware that the next day she was going to be hungovered and dehydrated from the crying but she didn't care. She had nothing to do, she didn't have to go to the hospital or study or help Caroline. And plus she kind of deserved it.

She was finally free but she couldn't enjoy it because she was feeling guilty. She hated this feeling with her whole heart because deep inside she knew she shouldn't be feeling like that, she had to put herself first for a change but she was so not used to it that the guilt was eating her alive.

So she fell asleep and slept until the next day. She woke up at three in the afternoon, with the worst headache she had had in ages and a few texts from her friends congratulating her on passing the exam and other stuff. Stefan apologized again for leaving her so soon and there were no signs of Caroline nor Damon.

She hated herself for that. She had messed up with both of them and she was too hungovered to do anything about it. She forced herself to go drink some water and then went back to bed to sleep some more. She felt like doing nothing more than being in bed.

The next day she woke up early, feeling refreshed after sleeping everything she hadn't in the last few days and wallowing on her guilt and self-pity. But that had helped her to realize she had to make things right, with both of her friends. Also she needed to apply for the hospital job and pick up some paperwork from Whitmore, so that day she went to run errands and while doing so texted Caroline trying to get her to have breakfast the next day with her.

After literally twenty eight attempts she finally gave in and responded with "ok". That was a win for her and she definitely needed a win.

* * *

-Hey Care.

-Hi- she responded not looking at her and sitting immediately. She wasn't early as usual or her happy self so she knew she still had a long way to go.

-I'm so sorry Care, I messed up. You and Damon have been talking to me about running away from things and it kind of made me mad. Mostly because you guys are right. I never tell anyone when I'm mad about something and then I explode and yell and cry and it's not a nice view. And I know I should change that and I promise I'm working on it.

-I know you Bonnie. I know that's how you operate but… I always thought that that was with other people. Not with me. I thought you trusted me enough to tell me when I was crossing a line instead of just exploding and being hurtful towards me.

-I'm sorry… I don't know why I never told you that all the bridal things plus the job plus studying… it was all wearing me off. Before the test I hadn't slept eight hours in months. And the last two weeks prior I was sleeping just three hours a night trying to study as much as possible and being as helpful as I could…

-Bonnie! Why didn't you tell me? I would've understood. You seemed fine

-But I wasn't… And I know I should've told you instead of lashing out. I know that now. I never thought I'd hurt you with my mess

-Bonnie… don't you see I was hurting you too? Dragging you along to everything when you needed to sleep? A basic human thing? Bonnie you are the most selfless person I know and I love that about you but you have to draw a line. You can't just drop everything for someone

-I don't do that for everyone. Just you- she tried to joke but Caroline shook her head and looked at her eyes very determined.

-I don't want you to do that Bonnie. That's not healthy.

She stayed quiet for a few moments. She was right. Damon was right too. And an epiphany came to her. She felt embarrassed but she felt like she needed to tell someone and Caroline was her best friend, so why not her?

-I think…- she sighed to calm herself down- I think the reason I've been so angry at Damon it's because I felt like he abandoned me. Like my mother- she felt her eyes watering but took a deep breath and kept on with her new realization- and I think that since he left I've been trying to not give you guys any excuse to leave me. You, Enzo and Stefan. I think that's why I couldn't break up with him even though it was obvious that we had to.

-Bonnie- said the blonde reaching out for her hand, squeezing it. Probably because of the tears streaming down her face.

-I think I regressed when Damon left me and I knew it, subconsciously… That's why I've been such a bitch to him. Blaming him for everything, calling him out in front of everyone, being so inexplicably mad at him. Not all of it it's his fault.

-Well, he's still guilty for ghosting you.

-Yeah, but I reacted too extremely. And since he kind of came back I've been losing control more and more. I… I don't recognize myself sometimes- she continued before taking a napkin to wipe her tears and another to blow her nose.

-Like when you screamed at him for not needing him?

-Yeah… or when I called him drunk telling him it was his fault that I hurt you. That's so childish.

-Yeah… but you were drunk, people usually do dumb stuff when drunk- said Caroline with a movement of her wrist.

-But still. I need to stop running away and start facing stuff. I need to stop leaving everything for later, like decisions, conversations, and thoughts. I've been avoiding even thinking about stuff, that's not right, Care.

-Don't be so hard on yourself, though. You've been through so much Bonnie. You're a warrior, you lost your dad at nine and mom at ten. Your Grams died before she could see you graduate or get married, of course you have a messy personal life. But you picked yourself up and you went through Med-school and you kicked ass. I admire you Bonnie

-Thank you, Care- they hugged and Bonnie let herself cry a little bit more.

-Ok, let's talk about better things. When do you start working?

-I don't know. They told me they didn't need anyone yet, but they'd let me know. So I don't have a job anymore.

-Oh shit. Come here again- said Caroline pulling her for a hug again, making her smile.

-It's ok, Care. I'll get to hang out with you more and rehearse the dance. Good thing I haven't spent most of the residency money.

-Yeah, that's a good thing. Can I text Stefan to tell him we're fine again? He wanted us to make amends and said that if we did we wanted to have lunch with us

-He's going to leave the law firm to have lunch with us instead of keep working? He must be really looking forward to it- responded Bonnie acting like she was shocked, which made Caroline smile- of course you can

-Great… - Caroline started to text her fiancé and suddenly she looked at Bonnie a little bit preoccupied- Are you going to tell Damon about your revelation?

-I feel like I have to. I need to apologize for the drunken call and I need to tell him why, I guess. Maybe that way I get to heal more properly.

-Yeah, I think that'd be good. I'd try to do that soon, though. Tomorrow he's gonna come with us to pick the chairs and the decorations in them.

-Oh. Fuck.

-Yeah, sorry. I didn't know we'd be into this mess when I scheduled it.

-We are in no mess. I am, you're mess free.

-Hell no. my best friend is in a mess? I am too. Knees deep. –They smiled at each other fondly before Caroline kept talking- So, I guess Damon hasn't responded your texts?

-Nor calls. And I've been as persistent as I was with you.

-Ok, then I'll text him and tell him that I need him to be in the Salvatore house at five today. Me and Stefan will take Jo and Ric for dinner, so you guys can have the house to yourselves.

-Why do I feel like you've been planning for this for a while?

-That's what I came up with when I figured you'd be maid of honor and Damon best man. I realized you'd need a push to hash things out.

-Well… it's a good plan.

-Great, I'll text him immediately.

As Caroline typed she felt her stomach tied in knots. She had to come clean with everything, well, almost everything. She wasn't telling him that she had feeling for him back in the day (and possibly now as well) but she was going to tell him that she had blew things out of proportion.

Caroline looked at her with a smile and a thumb up making her feel like throwing up. Sure, the storm had passed but it was still pretty cloudy and dark. Maybe even with chances of another storm erupting.

Good God what have she gotten herself into?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you liked the chapter, I put a lot of information I was withholding from you and now you can kind of see the full story and how close they were and why.
> 
> Thank you all so much for your reviews, they make me SO HAPPY! I love that you like the way I write or how the story is going, it's honestly so uplifting to read those comments!
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed it and hopefully you'll leave me a message.
> 
> Happy reading!


	6. The explosions

Bonnie was alone in the Salvatore house, waiting for Damon to show up and start fighting with her, because she deserved it. She hadn't been honest to him or to herself and she had dragged this mess for longer than it needed to be done. It was her fault, so she had to apologize now.

That sounded easy, but was it? He had broken her heart, he had walked away from her life just like her mom and every time he came back, he was mad at her. At her? Why?

Yeah, yeah. This is an apology Bonnie, he was to blame too but he needed to hear her apologies because she had made some bad choices herself. She couldn't keep being mad at him for things he hadn't done. He wasn't his mother, it wasn't his responsibility to stay by her side.

They were friends and things had gone wrong and then escalated because they were both headstrong and couldn't let things go.

Besides, they had some deep-rooted traumas, that had made her do the things she did, but she hand't listened to his reasons and in order to heal and move on she needed to, so they needed to have this fight.

The clock and her breathing were the only noises she was hearing, until those were interrupted by the sound of some keys moving outside and then the door being opened.

She had to remember herself to breath, because she had definitely stopped doing so for a few seconds there. She listened to his steps and then, finally, saw his face.

-Oh. Why are you here?- asked Damon going from disoriented to angry as soon as he got to the living room and saw Bonnie standing there by herself.

-Because I need to talk to you

She was fidgeting and playing with her hands a lot, she knew she only had a few seconds before he decided to leave and she needed to convince him not to before that.

-So this was a set up?- he asked crossing his arms and looking very mad.

-…Kind of

-Bye- he turned around but Bonnie run to blocked the door

-No, we need to talk- she pleaded with her words and eyes

-I remember you made it a lot more difficult for me to apologize last time. You should just let me go, it's only fair

-No, as much as I want to, I need to tell you something.

They looked at each other's eyes with a lot of intensity, Damon was a little mad and she was just really trying to persuade him. He ended up sighing and looking away.

-Ok. Since it's the first time you want to actually have a conversation I'll give you five minutes, if we can't fix it, I'm out.

-Ok. I…- her mouth was dry and her heart was beating so fast it was almost leaving her body.

This was going to be rough, but she made promise to Caroline and to herself. She needed to start making changes.

-Any second now

-I'm sorry. I… I blew things out of proportion. I blamed you for everything when I also was to blame.

-And?

-What do you mean and?

-This is your big apology?- he was really mad now, she could sense it and he was right, there was more, but she was scared to tell him everything.

-You haven't just blamed me for this, you blamed me for our fall out. For leaving to New York when you promised you'd be there with me the next year. You've been an asshole to me since then.

-Well, it's not like you weren't an asshole yourself. And that's because you started ghosting me and only talking to me about your new friends when you finally picked up. Of course I wasn't going to run to New York with you after that.

-And why didn't you have the guts to tell me yourself? Why did you never talk to me about it and just decided to leave it at that? Like it didn't matter that we had a deal and that we used to be best friends?

-I… - she swallowed through the knot that was forming in her throat and as the coward she was, she looked away and tried to come up with excuses again before the truth- I wasn't sure you even cared anymore

-What?! – he asked jumping back, like he needed to be away from her after that, breaking her heart a little bit more- Oh, hell no. Stop blaming me for everything. You didn't tell me because that's who you are. You just run away at the first sight of confrontation. You see a problem and you avoid it until it disappears and if it doesn't you disappear.

-You have no idea what you're talking about. We haven't been friends in seven years and you think you can just come here and 'give me a lesson about who I am'? I changed. I'm here right now confronting you and trying to fix our stupid drama for the wedding's sake.

She knew she was changing the subject and apologizing way less than she expected, but he was right. She was afraid and that made her so mad she was lashing out to him yet again.

-You haven't changed since you were a teenager Bonnie. You have the same system and that's the truth of our 'stupid drama'. You weren't mature enough to talk about it so you run away from it. You-

-And what was I supposed to do? – she interrupted shouting- Run after you? Beg you for your time? You weren't even answering my calls, Damon! I wasn't going to go live to a city I didn't know with a guy that clearly didn't have any intention of being my friend any longer.

-You promised Bonnie. I thought that meant something- his voice cracked a little bit, finally showing something other than rage, making her also show the sadness she was masquerading with anger.

-And I thought our friendship meant something to you.- a little tear escaped her right eye- I guess we were both wrong.

They stayed silent for a while. She had so much to say but she didn't want to give herself away, show him all of her weaknesses, confess her true feelings. She had said that she was going to let it all out but it was easier said than done.

And he seemed like he was holding back too. But he was also pissed. And then, when they were looking at each other's eyes, fuming, his eyes seemed to softened when he focused on her tear, making her rapidly swipe it away. He shacked his head before talking again.

-I know you hate me right now, Bonnie. I hate you too, to be honest. Because you hurt me. I thought that no matter what you'd be there for me that next year. I…-he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes to say what he seemed to need to say- there was a time when I didn't hate you. There was a time when the sun shone only when I was by your side.

She looked at him with wide eyes and feeling her face on fire. Was he just trying to fluster her when they were just screaming at each other seconds ago?

-What? When?- she merely whispered.

He looked kind of taken aback by her reply. It seemed like he wasn't expecting her to react, maybe he thought that if he was honest enough he'd scared her off and this conversation would come to an end.

-When my parents died.

-Oh

-Being home was awful, because I could only think of them. Being in class without you was awful, because everyone looked at me like I was a fragile idiot. I hated how they pitied me. But you were different, you told me how you felt when your dad died. How it felt when it was his first absent birthday and how you felt four years later without him. You walked me through it, without pity but with compassion, I guess. That's why you will always be important for me Bonnie Bennet. Even if you hate me, even if I hate you. But let's be honest, we don't hate each other. We are just mad.

She was so surprised of how matured he sounded. He wasn't that immature before, but she remembered he'd rather joke around to showcase his true feelings, so this was definitely new. And she couldn't help herself. She went for a hug.

He seemed surprised but quickly reacted to her gesture. They spent a few minutes like that, holding each other tight.

-You're right. I'm so mad at you Damon. Still, after all these years- she said against his chest and she was going to stop there, but since he was being honest she needed to do the same- and it has nothing to do with you.

-What do you mean?

-I mean… you left me. You stopped caring about me, you replaced me…- she continued with her voice wavering a little- You abandoned me…

-Like your mom

-Yeah- he held her tight again and she didn't realize when she started crying but suddenly she was fully sobbing into his arms while he was rocking her and holding her as tight as he could. Good thing he wasn't wearing his leather jacket because all of her tears were in his shirt now.

She realized that she was holding his shirt rather than him, tugging him closer. And he was just taking it all, like he had so many times in the past. That thought started calming her down after a few minutes.

-I'm sorry Bonnie, I... I thought that maybe there was a reason for your hatred and I thought it could be because we helped each other through our loses but I never realized it had to do with you mom. To me it was all about losing, never because of being left.

-I didn't either realized why I felt like that with you, either- she responded pulling away from him, but still holding him- I just knew I felt so betrayed. I was just so angry at you, I couldn't let it go. And then, I realized why.

-When did you realized it?- he asked giving her a paper tissue he had in his pocket.

-Thank you- she said before blowing her nose and then whispered- After I screamed at you in the engagement party

-Then why didn't you tell me sooner? I… kind of realized I fucked up and I deserved your yelling but…

-It's not your job to know what's wrong with me Damon. I know that now. But I didn't tell you because… I didn't want to seem weak, I guess…

-I wanna yell at you- he stated putting his head at her level so she could see how much he meant it- I wanna shake you so badly until you take that shit out of your mind, because I shouldn't have been in the dark about that Bonnie. We were best friends.

-I'm sorry

-But- he interrupted- that's something I can understand. That's the reason I stopped talking so much to you when I got to New York. I was miserable there without you… and the others-he added quickly, with a little bit of pink on is cheeks- I knew that if I talked to you for too long, you'd realize and I wanted to look strong.

-Why would you do something so dumb?

-I didn't realize I was condemning our friendship. I was stupid. I thought you'd forgive me about everything and that you'd be even more curious to go to New York with the stories I told you- he stopped looking at her eyes when he said that, so there was definitely more to the story, but she didn't want to push him. There were already a lot of truths coming out and she didn't want to push her luck. Also, if he did that to her she was going to tell him how she really felt about him.

-You were stupid. But so was I. We were stupid teenagers.

-Yeah, but we're adults now and I'm really really REALLY hating that I've made you cry so much these last few times we've seen each other. So let me make it up to you.

-How?- she asked with a small smile

-Well… there's a new Karaoke bar downtown. We can invite Caroline and Stefan. Maybe even Jo and Ric too, so they can have a night out. What do you think?- he asked before starting to wipe her tears off.

-I think I need to blow my nose and put some eyes drops and I'm good to go.

-Great

He smiled a little less crookedly than usual, closer to that secret smile he used to only show her when they were teenagers and that made her stomach feel full of butterflies and also made her aware of how close they were. So she pulled away a bit more.

-Can I go to the restroom while you call the guys?

-Of course, mademoiselle- he responded with a bow

-You're so corny- he said rolling her eyes and smiling.

-But I made you smile.

* * *

-Oh my God, I'm so glad you guys are finally ok!- screamed Caroline getting inside of the booth that Damon and Bonnie had chosen. Behind her was Damon's family, all of them smiling wide and looking at him weirdly proud.

-Me too- responded Bonnie with a small smile and looking away from the others, they were looking at them like they were in a kind of triple date and even thought that made her feel excited it also embarrassed her. And made her a bit sad, because that wasn't the case at all.

-Ok, ladies and gentleman, let's start this party- said Damon standing up and taking Stefan with him to the stage. She may have seen his face a bit red, but that could totally be the lighting.

-Ok. But we're gonna need some shots first- responded Stefan walking to the bar instead

-Great idea, let's get drunk and sing

That was the last from their interaction that she could hear. She smiled at their backs, because there had been a while since she'd seen them happy like that.

-I love that you guys are in good terms now. I missed you at the family parties

-Jo, take it easy- said Alaric with a cryptic face. Weird.

-Well, this guys are going to sing, so I suggest we start paying attention to them

-You're right, as always Care- responded Jo with a smile.

Soon enough, they started listening to a very off-tune rendition of Highway to hell. They seemed to be having fun though, faking guitar solos and all. The other people there loved it and clapped throughout the performance.

When they came back to the booth, the others were ordering their drinks.

-I think I want a Margarita

-Bonnie, are you sure? Last time wasn't a… smooth one.

-Yes, Care. That was a long time ago and I was working my ass off in the residency, now I'm worries free.

Caroline just lifted her hands in surrender while murmuring something along the lines of "just saying".

-Oh, come on, goldilocks. You're trying to have drunken Bonnie just for yourself? I want a sight of that as well.

-Not a really pretty sight- said Stefan with a grin- there's some violence involved- he whispered loud enough for all of them to hear.

-Really Stefan? That was one time.

-Kids, you're scaring the waiter- said Alaric- we'd like some cabernet, please.

-And I'd like a bourbon- said cheery Damon.

-Make that two

-Wow. My little brother is all grown up.

-I'm getting married, Damon. Get over it.

-Never. I used to change your dippers.

-You didn't do shit

-Uh, sassy.

She loved seeing Damon like this. He was so comfortable around the ones he loved, and since there wasn't any tension between the two of them she could finally see him all relaxed and funny. She had missed this side of him.

-All right. While you kids bicker, my wife and I are going to sing.

-What? Honey, no

-Oh, come on, Jo. They must have our song, plus we haven't done anything fun like this in years.

She finally gave in and walked with him towards the stage. While they were waiting for the person with the mic their drinks came to the table.

-Bring us another round in ten minutes, on me- said Damon to the waiter

-Ok, sir

-Thank you- said Bonnie with a smile when the waiter gave her the margarita

-Yeah, thanks man- followed Damon.

She looked at him and he was sporting his infamous crooked smile.

-What?- she said squinting her eyes at him.

-Nothing, I sometimes forget manners. New York is wild. Thanks for reminding me, though.

She tried not to smile but she couldn't stop herself. So she decided to start drinking before she said something stupid.

Alaric and Jo started singing "Can't take my eyes off of you". Ric was way more into it than Jo, but they seemed to be having a fun time. They cheered and continued to drink while the couple was up there and by the time they came back they all seemed to be a bit happier than before.

-You guys killed it!- complimented Stefan beaming.

-Come on girls, it's your turn

-We're not as easy persuaded as your brother. We need more buzz

-Oh, Blondie here wants me to buy her more alcohol, you should've said it sooner.

-Well, you're the rich one

-Oh, come on. Steffy bear here is a lawyer, count your blessings, young woman.

-Yeah, but we're spending a lot on the wedding, so of course you have to buy the alcohol tonight

-Fair enough- he made a sign to the waiter for another round and seemed to understand it immediately- but you guys are drinking this and going to sing in five minutes tops.

-Oh, he has rules- intervened Bonnie feeling the bravery the alcohol usually provided.

-Oh, she finally spoke. I'm missing the violence I was promised.

-Nothing of the sort is going to happen, I'm a lady.

He smiled wryly at her and she didn't have time to banter because the waiter came with the third round.

-All right girls, deal's a deal. Bottoms up.

They looked at each other with a smile on their face and chugged it immediately. This wasn't their first rodeo.

-Wow. You married an alcoholic one, Stef.

-Not married yet. And not alcoholic, I think. Not sure though.

\- Oh you'd love me even if it was the case but it's not. I'm just good at partying. Come on, Bon. Let's kick their performance's ass.

-Yeap.

She stood up and the ground seemed to move a bit, but she recovered quickly and walked to the stage with her best friend.

-Do you have a song in mind?

-No, let's see what's in store.

They looked through the catalog while a couple was singing a very sappy song and Caroline's eyes went wide and bright when she found 'You belong with me' by Taylor Swift.

-Do you remember how we used to sing this in my room with our Pj's on?

-We used to blast this to the heavens.

-It was exactly what I needed when Stefan started dating that stupid Valerie. And you hated that Damon was always dating around.

-This was our jam- responded Bonnie pointing to the catalog very aggressively, she was going for assertive but it kind of back fired. Either way it took her best friend's mind off the Damon crush she used to have.

-It's like we wrote it ourselves.

-I remember the lyrics. All of them.

-And now it's even more perfect because he IS with me. He belonged with me all along and now we're getting married and that bitch and him are no longer together

-Why do you hate her so much? You do realize that it was a long time ago?

-Because she broke his heart. Of course I know that was years ago but still. She just left, without even saying goodbye. I thought he'd never recover.

-But he did and now you guys are stronger than ever.

Caroline smiled and the couple finished, so they got to the stage and put the song on.

They sang kind of ok. They weren't the best singers and the alcohol wasn't helping but they had nice voices and they knew the song by heart, even after all those years.

Caroline was especially giving her all, still mad about that bitch and Bonnie was just happy. The people was singing along and their booth was cheering them, so she felt pretty fearless.

When the song finished the room applauded and they got a standing ovation by the guys they used to sing that song to, making her feel giddy inside.

As soon as they got to the table Stefan took Caroline in his arms and lifted her, surprising her very much, judging by the squealing noise she made.

-You were amazing!

-Should I do that too?- asked Damon standing up

-No!- screamed Bonnie

-YES- screamed everybody else

-We gotta give the audience what they want.

She tried to get away but he was faster, he put his arms on her waist and lifted her pretty high, making her squeak.

Everyone laughed and he put her in the ground soon enough. As soon as she got her foot in the floor she exploded in laughter, a mixture of relieve and actual happiness. Caroline joined her, clearly intoxicated with the alcohol, but she didn't care. She was really happy.

She locked eyes with a very radiant looking Damon. The laughter stopped but she smiled wide basking in the moment, trying to pay attention to everything going on right there and then, so she could remember it later. She didn't realize how much she had missed this, being with her best friends, just laughing and having a good time. Feeling the warmth coming from Damon and the way he was looking at her right now.

That shit was addictive.

-All right, all right. I know what you're all thinking. Next round is on me- said Stefan before Caroline jumped to hug him, beaming. They truly loved each other with their whole hearts.

-My brother's trying to steal my shtick. I'll just let him because he's getting married- whispered Damon to her ear, she turned to him and they were really close. Like, she could feel his breathing in her face close. He smiled crookedly at her and that snapped her out of it.

-That could be your wedding gift- she whispered trying to sound unaffected, but failing to do so.

She walked to the booth and sit where she was before, trying to regain her composure. And also, trying to regain control on all of the feelings that were exploding inside of her.

* * *

She was feeling dizzy when she came out of the karaoke bar so Damon offered to walk with her to her house. While the other four went home on an uber.

They were walking down the street at night. This felt romantic as fuck but she convinced herself it was just the alcohol in her veins.

-I'm fine, you didn't need to come with me- she commented after a few minutes in silence.

-You're hammered. And I paid for most of your alcohol so I kind of feel like it's my responsibility.

-You paid for all of it. You didn't even let me give that guy more tips.

-Because I had already given him 40%

-But he had to put up with us aaaall night. And we weren't actually talking most of the night, we were yelling.

-And that's why I gave him double than most people.

-But I wanted to put some money too.

-Ok, next time you'll tip him.

-Next time?- she dared to look at him, and he was smiling satisfied with himself. Bastard.

-Yeah. I think I nailed it bringing you here, having seen you this happy in years.

-Well, that could be because we haven't seen each other in years.

-We have, we just haven't talked. Actually, we have, just not without ending up fighting.

-You're right. I'm glad we're past that.

-Yeah…

They stayed quiet for a while, finally content with each other and themselves.

-Thank you for today- said Bonnie when they were getting close to her house. The cold air had helped her to feel less inebriated.

-I wanted to thank you, actually. If you hadn't decided to talk things out, we wouldn't have done it.

-Yeah, it was time I did some growing up.

-Yeah, me too. We kinda should've had this conversation a long time ago.

-Yes- she responded before laughing, mostly because she was feeling nervous. This whole thing was feeling very romantic and she wasn't prepared for it.

-We've been wasting time- he said completely unaware if her feelings, probably.

-Yeah! We could've had sang some Taylor Swift before- she joked trying to lighted up the mood.

-Yeah, next time it's you and me and Shake it off.

-Uh, I didn't know you were a fan of hers.

-I'm not, I wanna see you shaking it off.

She laughed at his comment, finally letting herself go and enjoying his company. She just needed to relax, things were the way she wanted them to be, if she wanted for them to be just friends that's what they'd be.

-You're so dumb

-Yeah, but you still want to be my friend. Right?

That's what she was talking about.

-Of course. How about you?

-Hell yeah. Especially now that you are like this.

-What do you mean?

-Well, you look more... Free? Younger? I don't know. There was something about tonight, something different.

-Different how?

-Umm... You reminded me of old Bonnie, the one that sang in the car with me when we'd go on around town. Or on a road trip.

She smiled wide, she did feel more free than in a few years, like if realizing why she felt the way she did and then actually saying it had taken a big heavy weight from her back. They had finally arrived at her home and they stopped on her porch.

-I feel free now. More confident too

-Maybe that's why you looked so beautiful- he said with that crooked smile before turning around… to his house?

Oh no, she had to make an end to this kind of behavior. These Damon's shenanigans kept her up at night and she knew that to end it she'd have to talk about other things she didn't want to talk about but she had to make decisions to make her life better, to stop making everyone comfortable but herself.

-Damon- she called out right before he got to the street, so she walked to meet him in the middle.

-Yeah?- he turned around startled, she knew he didn't see this coming, which caused a rush of adrenaline. Good, because she was going to need it.

-I hate when you do stuff like this. You always comment stuff to startle me right before leaving and they keep me from being sane at times.- that sounded dramatic, she needed to elaborate or she'd look like an idiot- I just think that in order for this new friendship to work we need to be honest with each other and this is something I don't like.

-Wow- he responded after some time in silence- I love this new you. Maybe we should've fought sooner.

-Damon, I'm serious

-Me too. This is definitely my favorite Bonnie. And you're right. I like seeing how you look when you're surprised. And I actually thought you kind of liked it. But, well. I'll leave my commenting on your good looks out of this friendship.

-I didn't mean just that. You always say something that you know I won't want to deny because it would be uncomfortable or makes me embarrassed, but I'd like it if we could actually have conversations now. Not just yell at each other and walk away. I want us to be actual friends again.

He smiled like he hadn't in years, with that real, wide and special smile that made her heart skip a beat and her stomach filled with butterflies. God, she thought those feelings were long dead.

She knew she was getting herself into a mess with this, but she didn't care. She needed to have a more open and honest relationship with her friends, even if that meant having a messy one or even losing them. Or falling in love with one of them. Again.

But she really wanted to stay friends with Damon, shad missed him a lot, so in order to have healthier relationships she needed to stop relaying on her friends so much and she needed to start seeing her worth without them telling her, so this was a step on the right direction.

\- I'm proud of you Bon Bon. And you did look beautiful today, it's not like you don't always look beautiful, but today was different. You had like... I don't know. A thirst for life, for enjoying the moment in a way I haven't seen in years. I missed that.

-Me too. And I missed you. I missed us- she whispered looking at the ground, being mature and letting yourself be vulnerable was hard and as much as she was trying she was still very afraid of saying the wrong thing.

-Me too.

They looked at each other in silence and Damon did that stupid cocky smile, making her roll her eyes with a small smile of her own. He opened his arms with that same smile, but his eyes were inviting her in with more warmth than anything else, so she walked the distance between them and hugged him really tight. He put his chin in the top of her head and sighed. She smiled buried into his chest.

-We should say goodnight now, tomorrow's going to be rough.

\- Why?

-First dance rehearsal, remember?

-Oh shit. Yeah. I should go to sleep.

-Yeah, me too.

They pulled away, both smiling fondly and went their separate ways. Bonnie's heart was beating so fast that she asked herself if he could feel it when they were hugging, but if he did he didn't say anything.

She smiled like an idiot until she fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked it, honestly I've oly gotten like three reviews and I don't know if I should continue to post it here, I do it in fanfictiontoo and there's a lot more traffic here, so let me know if you're still interested in me uploading here, or next chapter I'll just link the other site.  
> Thank you to the ones that review, you make my day!


	7. Friendship

_**Hope you're ready, I'm picking you up in ten** _

Damon? Why would he pick her up? ... Oh, shit, the sitting arrangements.

Bonnie jumped from her bed, where she had been thinking about last night. How her friendship with Damon and the other guys was coming back and she couldn't help but feel giddy, even through the hungover. But now she was running up and down her room putting on clothes and brushing her teeth at the same time.

She completely forgot they had to do that thing, she thought she had a lazy morning before the dance rehearsals, so she drank a gallon of water, had breakfast in bed and just watched the  _Property Brothers_  until she couldn't pay attention anymore because her mind was stuck in the previous day.

Her phone started ringing and she knew Damon was outside. She finished brushing her teeth as the phone continued to sound and when she was getting out of the bathroom, he started knocking in the door.

-I'm so sorry, I forgot. I'm ready- she said quickly when she opened the door.

-You have toothpaste in your chin- commented Damon scratching his own chin to show her where it was- it's nice to see some things never change

-What do you mean?- she inquired while going to the kitchen to get a napkin.

-You're always late. Always finishing brushing your teeth when I'm at the door already. You learnt nothing from our school days.

-I didn't need to be ready before that because you'd be chatting with Grams. But now I'm ready so we can be on our way

They stepped outside and Damon's mind seemed to be somewhere else, he walked towards the car without saying a word and he didn't even open her door for her, so she walked to her side and once she got inside she turned to him.

-What?- he asked immediately, startling her.

-I don't know. Your mood changed- she answered fidgeting in the seat, the sudden change in the ambience made her nervous.

-Yeah.

He started the car and stayed silent for a while, Bonnie didn't know how to react, because as much as she wanted to think they were back to how things were before, things didn't work like that, they had to earn each other's trust back. And that was what she was going to do.

-You know you can tell me what's wrong, right?

-Yes. I just don't know how you're going to take what I have to say

-You won't know until you tell me.

He seemed hesitant but shook his head and parked in front of a stranger's house to look at her.

-I came home for your Grams funeral.

She didn't know how her face looked but he looked away looking ashamed. She didn't want to talk about the time when she lost the last person in her family and the most important one for the majority of her life, but she wanted to know what happened.

-Then why didn't I see you?

-I…- he sighed and looked at her again, looking afraid- I got into a fight with Enzo.

-Wha… what? How? He was with me the whole time- she didn't want to seem angry, but her high pitched voice betrayed her. She wasn't angry, thought, she was surprised and he was very nervous, you could tell because he was playing with his hands.

-You were in the bathroom, I was trying to see you but he said that you had enough in your plate to deal with me too. I got mad and pushed him, but Stefan stopped me from knocking in your door. He said you were not in the best place and I was being too aggressive at the moment. Enzo told me to step outside. He said that you were fragile and that seeing me would make it worse because I was close with both of you.

-That's bullshit

-What?- he seemed actually surprised, he seemed to be waiting for anger or sadness, but not that.

-I wanted you there. My Grams would've too- she could feel the tears coming but she kept talking anyway- she loved you. She… she wanted to say goodbye to you before she left... When she told me that, so I called you from the hospital's telephone, but when you picked up… I couldn't speak. I started crying and didn't know how to say that she was dying – she sounded like she was about to sob, so she took a deep breath to control herself- so I just hung up. She died that same afternoon… You wouldn't have made it anyway- she finished with a whisper.

He cleaned her tears and she could see that he had some of his own, gathering in his eyes.

-I loved her too, Bonnie. Whenever I think of my parent's funeral I can see her. I can feel her hands in my shoulders- a single tear started running down his cheek and Bonnie was quick to swipe it- thank you. You, Stefan and Sheila were the only reason I made it half-sane.

-She cared about you. I don't know why Stefan told you to walk away.

-He said that you just had gone in there to cry so he didn't know how you'd react to seeing me fighting with your boyfriend.

-Well, if you guys would've let me have a saying about how I felt, things would be different. Why do you guys think you have to protect me from everything?

-Because we haven't been able to protect you from all the things that have happened already.

-What do you mean? You couldn't have protected me from my dad dying the same way I wasn't able to protect you from your parents' death.

-But you didn't deserve that

-Neither did you, Damon. Neither did Stefan. Even Caroline was left by her dad and she didn't deserve that either. We all have bad experiences and no one could protect us from that but that doesn't mean we have to shelter each other from bad experiences. I know I do that with myself but that doesn't mean you all have to do it to me too.

-I'm sorry- he said after a long pause, where they only looked at each other's eyes- You're right. I could've been there for you.

-And I for you. You lost her too. She told me you kept calling her every year on her birthday.

-She called me too.

-I'm sorry, Damon. You guys had a relationship on your own, you needed to be there for her, not me.

-Yes. You're right. I should've…

They smiled sadly at each other, they needed this type of conversation to move forward but it hurt so much thinking about her.

-Would like to go see her after the dance rehearsal? –she asked whispering, kind of afraid he'd say no, she wasn't brave enough to go on her own still.

-Yes, I'd like that very much.

She smiled fondly and he responded with a crooked one before starting the car. She took a deep breath and felt content with herself, because even if it was a very hard thing to do she was happy they got around to do it, there wasn't any other way to actually rebuild their friendship.

* * *

Once they got into the store, Caroline and Stefan were already in there with Nora.

-Hi guys!

-Caroline, please don't scream- said Stefan by her side, with a deep frown.

-Uh, someone's hungover

-Shut up Damon.

-He's been like this all day. I told him he could stay in bed and just leave me hang out with you guys, but you know how he is.

-I know how you are. We have a budget and you don't usually stick to it, so I have to come with you.

-If you're going to be grumpy and take all the fun out of this, then please leave.

-Ok, guys, it's not that deep. - intervened Bonnie, trying to not sound too tough, in case Caroline didn't like that either- It's siting arrangements, let's just relax, take a breather and not fight over these small things.

-You're right, Bonnie. As usual, let's just dive in- responded Caroline gleefully and took her by the arm to move around the store.

-Do you like this? –asked Bonnie pointing at a very cute antique chair.

-No, I want something more majestic

-Care, I love you, but it's going to be in the outdoors, right? People want to see you and maybe the altar, but these magnificent chairs? That's just a waste of money, in my opinion

-You're on Stefan's side now?- asked the blonde putting her hands on her hips.

-Caroline, what's with you today? I feel like I've gone back in time to see my high school friend and not my adult one

-I'm sorry. We got into an argument today and I've been kind of immature about it. You have nothing to do with it, though, so I should stop behaving like this.

-What happened?

-He just told me today that we need to make room for three more of his colleagues. He said one of them got him the job, so he kind of "owes them". And now I have to fix the siting chart, call the food supplier and tell them we need more stuff and it's just too much. The wedding's around the corner and he pulls this thing, I feel like I can't rely on him.

-Oh, come on, Care. You've been relying on him since we were… what? Fifteen? He messes up once and you believe your marriage is doomed? That's unfair.

-I know, it's just… I don't know, I have a bad feeling about this. He has that guilty look on his face, like he isn't telling me everything and… I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid.

-Yeah, I'm sure if he had something to tell you he would've already. He's a good guy, Care.

-I know, that's why I'm marrying him

-So, goldilocks, what about this one?- said Damon from behind them.

-I actually really like that one- she responded approaching said chair and dragging Bonnie with her.

-See witchy? I'm helpful

She smiled but didn't want to keep looking at him, the memory of their last conversation still in her mind. She didn't know how he could do it, be totally nonchalant in front of their friends when he was just so open and vulnerable with her a few minutes ago, I mean, they just cried together.

-Yeah, now let's see if we can find something for the decorations- said Caroline unaware of the tension between the other two.

-I already did my part, it's your turn- responded Damon pulling the ends of his lips down.

-All right

She turned around and walked across the room looking for something cute to put in the new chairs they just picked, while everyone else was talking about prices and the logistics of the chair choice.

-It's everything okay?

-Yeah- she turned around and saw a very relaxed Damon, looking at the decorations she had in her hands, but once he looked at her eyes, she could see that he was kind of worried- why?

-I don't know. We've been kinda walking on eggshells with our… friendship so I was just wondering if I did something wrong.

-No, don't worry- she smiled to reassure him- I think it's just me not being able to act normal too soon. Probably because I'm trying to find a balance in between being open and vulnerable and then not worrying people around me.

-So you're really trying to change, ha?

-Yeah, I'm trying to be a better version of myself. It's like… I opened up and it's hard to close myself again so I have to just walk away.

-I get you. I've been there.

-Thanks- she smiled at him with all of honesty and he smiled too, before turning around and helping again on the decorations hunt.

She was happy they got to talk and open up, being vulnerable with each other without a romantic undertone (that was totally one sided). Maybe this could be them now. Maybe she could actually have a real friendship with Damon without being in danger of falling in love with him.

* * *

They were at the dancing class and although the moves they were showing them and making them do were fairly easy she was messing up a lot, mostly because of nervousness.

-Come on, Bon Bon, you promised you wouldn't step on my feet- he teased her, making her realize she could to go back to their banter instead of talking about heavy subjects.

-It's your fault, you made me drink too much last night and now I'm too hungover to know what I'm doing- she was happy to oblige in their little back and forth, especially because there were a lot of other people around and breaking down wasn't an option.

-You said you could handle your liquor.

-I said I wasn't going to get violent. I never said I'd be okay today.

-Jesus. And now you tell me?

-Hey, you too, stop talking and dance- said the teacher, Mary Louise.

She was a bit stiff and hadn't smile the whole time they had been there, but according to Caroline's wedding planner she was the best choreographer in town.

-Just let me lead you, you step on me because you wanna move on your terms, you gotta let me guide you- he whispered to not draw attention to them again.

-Why does it have to be you? Isn't that sexist?- she whispered as well, she was kind of scared of Mary Louise.

-It kinda is, but I can't let you lead because you don't even know what she wants us to do.

-I know, it's this- she moved away from him trying to imitate the other couples but she wasn't very successful.

-Just let me lead for now, when you get the hang of it, you can lead me. I don't really care.

She nodded and took a step forward to take his hand and he placed his other hand in the small of her back. She tried not to react to it and looked past him, because she didn't want him to realize what effect he had on her.

-You need to look at your partner in the eyes- said Mary Louise from behind them, but looking at her through the mirror. That woman was very scary.

\- I don't bite, Bon Bon.

-I know. But you'll distract me with your facial expressions.

-What do you mean?

-Remember when you tried to learn to dance because you finally wanted to go to prom? And then we rehearsed together and you just kept making weird facial expressions and threw me off?

-That was ages ago. - he responded with a wince, but his face had a bit of red. Weird- I won't do now it I promise

-Ok

She looked at him in the eyes while he started guiding the dance, he kept his face neutral as promised and they could finally move along the music in the same way the others were.

And suddenly his eyes were a lot more expressive than before, they were soft, with a few wrinkles around them, and an almost imperceptible smile on his mouth, but she was so close she could see it.

Suddenly he looked at her lips and her heart did not only skip a bit, it seemed like it had exploded and she actually tripped.

-Careful there, witchy- he whispered to her ear, pulling her close so she didn't fall.

-Ok, just let me stand up on my own- she said trying to regain restraint with some space, feeling her face on fire, she could only pray no one around them would realize.

-Fine- he said with a small smile, letting her go and making her lose her balance again, but she recovered and stood up alone, regaining composure.

-Come on, we don't have all day. It's not that hard- yelled Lexi from the back of the room, where she and Klaus were moving in perfect harmony. Actually the only other couple having issues was Rebecca and Matt, but the other four were doing great. She hated that Caroline and Stefan were mad and still were dancing perfectly.

Bonnie took a deep breath and took Damon's hand so he started guiding her again, she looked at him in the eyes and decided that the best way of not getting flustered was to talk to him about regular stuff.

-So, why did you decide you weren't going to prom?

-Because the girl I wanted to ask to come with me already had a date.

-Oh my God, why didn't you tell me you had a crush on a girl that rejected you? I could've stayed home with you, watching a sad movie and eating ice cream.

-I'm not Caroline. That's not what I wanted

-Then what did you want?

He looked at her warily. He didn't seem to want to continue and she wasn't going to push. Even though she really wanted to know who on their right mind could go to prom with someone else having the choice of going with him.

I mean, she had gone with a guy whose name she couldn't even remember, all because she was sad Damon was planning on taking a girl to prom and she couldn't bear the thought of being home alone when he was out partying and kissing somebody else.

That was very bad planned, now that she thought of it, she definitely didn't want to see him kissing someone so she shouldn't have been there for starters. Teenagers have weird plans.

-I don't know. To just spend that night with you

She was so into her own mind that she felt like that came out of nowhere and flustered the hell out of her.

-What?

-Yeah, you know, just spend time the way we used to. Talking about stupid things like UFO's and TV shows and that kind of stuff. I didn't care about ice cream or chick flicks.

-Oh, come on. You watched Pride and Prejudice and you loved it.

-Yeah, it was a good movie but I still don't understand why you had to watch it so many times. With once it's enough.

-What are you talking about? Just one time? You have to see it multiple times to realize about all the little details and the camera work and the way the actors move and everything. Ugh. Such a masterpiece.

-You really love that thing- he said smiling and shaking his head

-Yeah, I love it love it.

-So much that you haven't realized we've done all the steps perfectly

She was about to comment but Mary Louise started showing them new steps so they had to pay attention to her.

* * *

The whole way from the dance studio to the cemetery was silent, a stark contrast with the banter and the romantic music on their ears from a few minutes ago. But now she didn't know what to say or how to act, and neither did him, apparently, so they just stayed quiet.

Once they got out of the car, they looked at each other and nodded, it was time they made peace with her passing and said goodbye together, like they used to do before going to school every morning.

-Do you think she'll be mad?- he asked suddenly in a whisper

-I don't think so, why do you ask?- she asked back in a whisper, something about being in a cemetery made her feel weird about talking too loud.

-Because I haven't visited her in years.

-Wait, so you have visited her?

-Yeah. The day after the funeral, I had to pay my respects.

-Oh. Well, for what it's worth I don't think she could be mad at you about it. She had a soft spot for you, I remember that she used to defend you when I talked shit about you.

-You talked shit about me?- he almost screamed

-Shut up- she shushed him and he smiled but moved his hands, inviting her to respond- Oh, you know. When I used to be mad at you.

-I was too, but I never talked shit about you to Grams.

-She's my Grams, I talk whatever I want to her. Or used to, anyway.

-I bet you still talk to her. I wouldn't blame you, sometimes I feel like calling her too.

They got to her grave and the heaviness came back to them. She felt a little bummed that they hadn't bring her flowers, but she knew that her Grams didn't care about that as much as she cared about them visiting.

She hadn't been able to come in a couple of years, she had told herself that it was because she was so busy with the residency but the truth was that she had no one to go with and she didn't like the idea of going there to cry alone.

She could still hear her voice sometimes, when she was struggling the most. She missed her hugs, though. Tears started streaming down her face and Damon squeezed her shoulder, she turned to him and he had some tears gathering in his eyes as well, but stubborn as he was, he wasn't letting them get out. She decided it was time for some distraction.

-What did you talk about when you called her?

-Everything. About my ideas to start a company. About college, Elena, my relationship with Stefan. How much I missed her and you.

-You talked about me?

-How wouldn't we? You were our only link for so long. She used to say that I should be patient with you, that you'd come around and try to fix things or that I should do that. I told her that I never saw you interested in making up and that your boyfriend seemed more of a bodyguard. She laughed at that, we started calling him your bodyguard after that.

-She made fun of Enzo?- she swiped her tears away, genuinely interested in this side of her Grams she never heard of.

-All the time. She said she liked him as a person, but she didn't like him as your boyfriend.- he seemed to blush and debate if he should carry on and this time she moved her hands to make him continue- She said that she wasn't being fair to him, though, because she always thought that we'd end up together, so she was just mad because he was in the way of that.

-Wow- she was the one to get embarrassed this time, so she tried to change the topic fast- Grams really put a lot of trust in you, didn't she?- but she couldn't do it, it was too big not to discuss it- She wanted us to get together? Damn. She never told me that.

-She said that if she did you'd feel like you had to and she wanted you to choose. She said you had a thing for pleasing the people you love and I always told her that that wasn't like I remembered you, but it makes sense now.

-Yeah… I let your going to New York affect me way more than it should have.

-I'm sorry, Bonnie.

-I know. I'm sorry too. I'm glad I stayed, though. I wouldn't have liked being away from my Grams on her last years.

-Yeah.

They remained silent for a few minutes, looking at her grave and remembering her.

-I don't wanna forget her, Damon- she whispered with a broken voice. She hadn't told anyone about that, but it was a huge fear of hers.

-I don't think you could, Bonnie. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget her, you're out of danger of that.

-That's because she passed just a couple of years ago. But I don't remember everything about my dad. I used to remember the way he smelled, how his hugs felt and the way his voice could always calm me down on a thunderstorm. But I can't remember the details now and that makes me feel like a terrible daughter.

Damon turned to her and took her shoulders to make her face him as well.

-You are not a terrible daughter, Bonnie. You were nine when he died. You don't have memories from him before being like three? Four? So you only have, what? Five years worth of memories? Forgetting details does not make you a bad daughter, Bonnie. It makes you human.

-But I want to remember.

-I know, so do I. I forgot stuff, too. And it kills me, but I made peace with it, because I was 14 when they died. I'm about to have lived twice that.

-There's still a couple of years- she tried to lighten up the mood she had brought down, but Damon needed to get this out, it seemed.

-Yes, and that means that there's going to be more details missed by the time I get there and there's nothing I can do about it. Except maybe watching old family videos, but those break me.

-Yeah. The year before my Grams died we watched a video of my dad on my sixth birthday. I almost couldn't see the next day because of how swollen my eyes were. At first it was fun seeing him, remembering the way he moved and walked but when he laughed… oh God, listening at his laugh made me realize how much I missed him.

The tears came back and Damon pulled her in for a hug, which made her cry even more. She hated that they both had such shitty experiences. A kid deserves to grow up with their parents by their side.

-I know Stefan watches videos like that, but I can't. I can't see them again- he whispered holding her tighter.

They stayed embracing each other and the pain they both tried to ignore, but always came back.

-I can't stay here any longer. Let's just go to my house and watch Pride and Prejudice.- she said looking up at him, still hugging him.

-Really? Pride and Prejudice again?- he smiled at her, with it somehow reaching his eyes and that made her feel better about herself.

-Since we talked about it, I can't stop thinking about it. Plus, I need something to comfort me.

-I thought I was doing that- he argued squeezing her inside of his arms, making her smile this time.

-Yeah, but we're still in the cemetery.

-True. I feel like having some comfort food as well.

-We can make pancakes in my house.

-Deal- he kissed her in the forehead, making her feel warm inside. So, without thinking twice she kissed him in the cheek, which surprised and seemed to embarrass him, because his face turned pink.

-Thank you- she said to distract herself from the fact that she provoked that reaction on him.

-Thank you and your Grams. You two have been a huge part in my life- he finally let her go and turned to the stone in front of them- Thank you, Sheila- he was silent for ten seconds before he started laughing sadly a little bit, sparking Bonnie's interest.

-Why are you laughing now?

-Because I know exactly what she'd say. Anytime I thanked her for something she'd say "I don't need no thank you, I want you to take your ass here, mend things with Bonnie and have dinner with us". I'm sorry I never got around to it, Sheila.

-I'm sure she understands. Plus, we're having dinner now in her house, I'm sure she'd be happy about that.

-You're right.

She looked at her name on the stone and blew it a kiss.

-Thank you, Grams. I miss you. I'll always will, so I promise to come here again with flowers soon.

They walked towards his car in a calm silence this time, without the heavy atmosphere they walked in surrounding them.

Bonnie felt liberated, all these conversations exhausted her but in a good way, it felt like they helped her heal, somehow. She was happy they did this, getting to know her Grams through another person's eyes and getting to hang out with Damon feeling nothing but comfort.

* * *

-Are we really watching this movie again?

-Oh, come on, you loved it last time.

-Yeah, but I thought it was a onetime thing.

-It's not. Just put it on while we make the pancakes.

Bonnie was looking at the things in her fridge to start cooking, thankfully she had all they needed and she started putting everything in the counter, while Damon was moving behind her, playing with her stuff.

-This is a nice sofa, I don't remember this- he was stalling. He didn't want to put the movie on, but she played along to see where this went.

-I bought it with my first residency paycheck, the other one was too old and was hurting Gram's back.

-That's sweet of you- he murmured before finally putting the movie on.

-Ok. Are you going to help me or what? Why do you have your ass on the couch instead of doing something useful?- she said trying to revive the playful tone they used to have.

-Uh oh, bossy-pants is here. I already put the movie on. What else do you want me to do?

-I need help with this.

-Oh, you can't make pancakes on your own? Classic Bonnie- that made her roll her eyes at him and he smiled wryly.

He walked up to her while she was doing the mix and he looked at her propping up against the wall beside her.

-What?- she asked after a few moments, when things started to get awkward. Or at least she was.

-Nothing, I was just remembering the first time we did pancakes in this kitchen. Almost everything is the same.

-Yeah. When she died I stopped caring about modernizing the house, because that meant getting rid of her things and I couldn't do it.

-That's why you still have those pans?

-Hey, the pancake pan it's fairly new.

-You have a pancake pan?

-I love pancakes, okay?

-I know. I introduced you to them.

-You did not. You just told me how to make them.

-Yes, introduced you to the home made ones.

-You're so annoying- she complained with a smile.

-That's why you love me, now scoot over. I'm making the pancakes. You just watch and learn.

She laughed at his cocky attitude and walked away from her spot to watch him work.

She loved the view she was getting, not just because of his backside, but because he seemed like he belonged there, in her kitchen, making her pancakes. For a moment, she let herself fantasize about having him there daily, cooking for her and making her feel more at home.

He turned around and smiled crookedly at her, making her feel like he caught her, but her defensive mode jumped out.

-What? I can't look at you now?

-I'm not saying that but it looks like you're enjoying it too much.

-Well, it's nice to have someone to cook for you for a change- she responded looking at the floor, trying to calm herself down. Her heart was still racing but she didn't know if it was because of the fantasy or feeling like she got caught.

-Pff, Enzo was really crappy if he didn't. If you would've dated me instead of that idiot, you'd have pancakes every weekend.

That didn't help to slow her racing heart, in fact did the opposite. He seemed honest, to make it worst and she thought about teasing him to make the feeling go away.

-You kind of seem a little bit too excited about that scenario.

-And what if I am?

They looked at each other in silence for a bit, she was taken aback and he seemed to be honest again, which sent a million butterflies to her stomach and her heart was racing harder than before. But it took her too long to respond and her phone started ringing. She vacillated, unsure of what to do next, but Damon turned around, so she looked at her phone.

It was Caroline so she picked up, she called to remember her that the next day they had rehearsals early and then a spa day with the girls. When she hang up, Damon was flipping pancakes and being a total Master Chef on her kitchen, which made her smile.

She remember how she had thought earlier that they could actually be friends without her crushing on him the entire time, but it seemed like she was wrong, if anything, the friendship aspect of this new relationship was making it feel more real. Exactly the way she used to feel all those years ago, but somehow different. It scared her that now that they were older and wiser she could be in more danger of falling hopelessly in love with him.

He turned to her with that crooked smile and she could feel herself losing her breath. Damn it.

This feeling was definitely more than just friendship


	8. His own medicine

They ate the pancakes on her very old table, in an awkward silence. She hadn’t decided yet if Caroline’s call had save her or doomed her. Did he really mean it? It seemed like it, but he had never really said anything or expressed interest before.

Well, there was that kiss. But it was hardly a kiss, it was a peck in the lips and then he never addressed it again, leaving her wondering what that meant, exactly like right now.

-Earth to Bonnie- he teased, taking her out of her head, apparently he had talked to her before.

-Yes?

-I’m sorry if I made things awkward. I was joking.

-Oh- she didn’t try to sound disappointed, but she was and he seemed to pick it up, because he smiled wryly- I know. That’s not why I was silent.

-Then what is it?

-I… I was just thinking about something Caroline told me- she lied trying to sound convincing.

-What is that?

-Well… you know. She and Stefan got into a fight the other day, over new guests. I was just wondering why Stefan did what he did- she lied again, because she was sure that Caroline wasn’t even mad anymore, but she needed a way out.

-Oh… that

-Yes, that. Why? Do you know something about it?

-Me? Psht. No- he answered looking at his pancakes, he definitely knew something.

-What is it?

-Witchy, it’s not my business. Actually it’s not yours either, so leave it alone.

-So there is something to know. Interesting.

-Everything’s okay. Relax. Eat your pancakes.

She looked at him for a while before she kept eating what he cooked. There was something he was hiding but she didn’t know if she wanted to push anymore, if he ended up telling her something and wanted her to stay quiet, there was no way in hell she could. She would have to tell her best friend. But she couldn’t let it go.

-Is he going to be in trouble? Is the wedding going to be in trouble?

-Come on! Why do you believe the worst is going to happen?

-Because I know Caroline. She was freaking out about this in the morning, if there’s more she’s going to freak out even more.

-Bonnie, really, there’s nothing to worry about. Worry about your life, getting a job and buying more stuff for your house, your Grams doesn’t care about these pans. She’d hate to see that you’re holding on to these things instead of her memory.

She didn’t know where that came from. He was not playing nice and that meant that she had struck a nerve. She was dwelling on how to proceed but he seemed to feel bad under her gaze, he was fidgeting and he wasn’t looking at her. He knew he messed up.

He couldn’t take it anymore, apparently, so he stood up and went to the kitchen to wash the dishes.

-Damon… You didn’t have to snap at me. You know something and you don’t want to tell me and that’s fine, but you don’t need to push me away by hurting my feelings. That’s messed up.

She was calmed, she wasn’t mad but she was tired of accepting these kind of behaviors from her friends. She needed to put her foot down sometimes and he needed to listen to her.

-You’re right- he whispered turning around. He was standing in the middle of her kitchen while she looked at him from the table. He was looking at the floor, like a scolded kid and that made him look adorable but she wasn’t going to budge.

-And?

-And I’m sorry. I hate saying that because I feel it doesn’t change anything. I already messed up and hurt your feelings.

-Yeah, but if you say you’re sorry I can see that you realize you messed up and maybe even forgive you.

 -I do and I won’t do it anymore... I need some changing on my own- he continued after a while.

-We all do

-Yeah, but you’re really working on it, you’re actually changing and I feel like I’m staying behind. I mean, that’s a crappy self-defense mechanism. I used to use it with Stefan and Elena, but never with you. We’ve been all right for what? A few days now? And I’m already fucking things up. Are you sure you’re in this ride?

He looked actually insecure, even if he had said it in a humorous way. He was trying to pass it as a joke but he was scared. And that broke her nonchalant façade.

She stood up and walked up to him, he was avoiding her gaze and seemed taken aback when she put her arms around him, which made her smile.

-I know you, Damon. The real you. I know how you get when you are excited, when you’re cranky, when you’re tired and when you’re happy. I was your ride or die for years, even before we knew what that meant. We were friends in the worst time of our lives, why wouldn’t we be friends now that things are going so good?

-I’ve missed you Bonnie Bennet.

-And I you, Damon Salvatore.

* * *

-One, two, three. Go!- screamed Mary Louise and they started to move.

It was early and she and Damon were still adjusting to the rhythm, but they were doing it fairly good, mostly because they just had to stick to the basic step for a few tempos. The hard part, though, was that they had to change positions around the bride and groom, who were in the middle of their friends, dancing and smiling oblivious of the other’s struggle to find their mark and the perfect symmetry.

After that, they had to do some actually simple things, basic steps, spinning in the same place and a few steps to each side, all that was easy peasy. However, there was one step in particular that was difficult for her, mostly because it was too intimate. He had to turn her around and then pull her in with her back leaning on his front side. She could feel every muscle in his body and _God it was a good body_.

They also had to be cheek to cheek and her face was very hot from the proximity, she knew he could feel it because she felt his face turn to a smile. Bastard. He knew the effect he had on her and he was enjoying it.

Then he spun her and they were face to face again, he had that cocky smile and she just rolled her eyes, making him smile wider and more honestly.

They rehearsed the same movements and when it was time for her to lean on him, she prepared herself to not get flustered and to see if she actually had an effect on him. So, she arched her back and felt how he stifled immediately. She could also feel the heat on his face this time. And something else down south.

He spun her again and his, now red, face had no trace of cockiness, he was avoiding her eyes, which made her smile triumphant. So she had an effect on him as well, that was good to know.

Next time they did it, they both tried to get a reaction from each other, but got one from someone else.

-Hey kids, I get there’s sexual tension, but let’s keep it PG-13- screamed Lexi over the music, making them blush even more. She had forgotten for a moment that they had an audience.

-Focus!- screamed Mary Louise, making everyone stop looking at them and doing their steps, so Bonnie thanked her with her eyes. She nodded, so she was well aware of how she was saving their dignity. Damn. She started liking the scary lady.

She couldn’t look at Damon in the eyes for the next five minutes, but oddly their dance moves got better, even thought there was a good distance in _that_ particular movement.

When they were finally looking at each other again, they couldn’t keep the embarrassed little smiles and complicit looks, like little kids getting caught while doing something they shouldn’t do.

And then, when they were finally getting comfortable with each other again the class finished and the embarrassment fell onto Bonnie again like a pile of bricks.

-This was an interesting class- offered Matt, seemingly to make things comfortable again and she’d always thank him for that.

-Pretty much- said Rebecca

-I mean, I knew you both had urges but damn!

-Lexi!

-What? Isn’t that what we’re all thinking? Let it be known, maybe then…

-Just shut up, please- said Stefan softly, he could never scream or be mad at her, but even he could see she was taking things too far.

-Ok, I’m sorry

-It’s ok love, they just like deceiving themselves- offered Klaus with a knowing smile.

-Yes, let’s bounce. You promised me lunch.

-Weren’t we going to the spa?- asked Rebecca a little bit angry, she didn’t seem to enjoy the attention Klaus was giving Lexi.

-Oh, didn’t Caroline told you?

-Tell us what?- chimed in Bonnie, relieved the attention wasn’t on her anymore.

-Sorry, I got confused last night. I was just so looking forward for it that I messed up. The spa thing it’s scheduled tomorrow. I actually wasn’t the one to realize, Stefan did.

-It’s ok, with all the things we have going on, it’s better if we just have a day off- said Stefan putting his arm around her fiancé.

They kept talking about the wedding and all they had to do, but Bonnie was just paying attention to the warmth coming from Damon’s body by her side. She knew he was going to want to hang out, but she wasn’t sure that that was the best. She needed some space.

After those movements, she kind of felt turned on and that wasn’t okay, they were just starting to rebuild their friendship but she hadn’t had some in a few months now. Almost a year, actually, and he was just so fucking hot.

But she couldn’t let herself succumb to her physical needs, she had feelings for him, the situation was already messy, she didn’t need to make it messier with sexy thoughts.

-You okay?- asked Damon, taking her out of her mind. Everyone was getting out of the studio and they seemed to be the last ones.

-Yes, let’s get out of here- she responded taking her stuff from the floor and walking outside, with him following her.

-Okay, I was thinking, we have nothing to do after this. Maybe you could cook for me this time.

-As fun as that sounds for me, I think I should do some very late spring-cleaning.

-We’re in summer.

-Exactly. I need to get rid of a lot of stuff and maybe decide on getting some new things.

-Does this have to do with what I said last night?- he asked while opening her door.

-No, well… you were right, but I’ve been thinking about it for some time now- she said without looking at him, even thought he was standing there with the door open.

-Okay- he closed the door and walked to his side to get into the car- I’ll just take you home and do some work of my own then.

There was an uncomfortable silence while they were going to her house, she wasn’t sure what caused it, so she didn’t know how to fix it.

-Did I say something wrong?

-No, it’s all cool- he responded rapidly, making her feel like she had.

-Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything.

He smiled and turned his head to the side, his eyes said “are you sure?” and both knew she was lying. She didn’t know what he wanted to tell her, but she knew she wasn’t ready, whatever it was. So she just stayed quiet until he dropped her at her house.

* * *

-So? Have you done the deed?-asked the blonde moving her eyebrows at her the next day.

-What are you talking about Lexi?- answered Bonnie while putting her face inside the hole in her massage table.

They were at the spa, getting relaxed, which she definitely needed and thank God Caroline decided to postpone the dancing lessons until tomorrow, they were going to be in the studio for quite some time the next day, but with the way things ended up with Damon she’d rather face him after the spa thing.

-Oh, come on! Even I can see that all that sexual tension, just get it over with already!- shouted Rebecca from her massage table, which honestly startled her, she was the only one that hadn’t commented on her situation yet.

-What are you guys talking about?- asked Bonnie playing oblivious, still hiding her face. She was mortified they were freely talking about her sexual life in front of all these massagers.

-Bonnie, we have seen you as friends, best friends, stranded friends and now with this weird sexual friendship. We all know what you guys have gone through and we all see it. Why don’t you?

Caroline was speaking about it too? Have they made too much of a scene that they were all commenting about it freely? Were they right? Was she wasting her time just being friends with him?

Nah, they just wanted them to be together, like they used to when they were teens.

-Because there’s nothing to see. We are trying to get back to being friends and there’s no sexual tension whatsoever.

-Agh! That’s bullshit. You had your butt on his crotch. Not even Klaus and I were doing that, and we’re actually boning.

-Come on, Lexi! I don’t wanna hear about it

-Rebecca, you know about this for quite some time now

-Which doesn’t mean I like hearing about it.

-Ok, but we’re not talking about that, we’re talking about Bonnie and Damon and how they need to fuck already.

-Can we just, not talk about this right now?

-When, then?

-I don’t know. Let’s go get some drinks later, but just let me relax right now, okay?

-Fine- said all three of them.

-But we’re going to your place, Lexi. I love the views of your apartment.

-And you don’t want us to go to your place because I’ll stay there with Klaus.

-You’re so smart, love, that’s why I’d like for you to be my sister in law instead of her fuck buddy.

-Honey, no. Your brother is great in the bed, but he’s and asshole. If I get into a relationship it will be with someone that treats me right and spoils the shit out of me.

-You’re right. I should break up with Matt, shouldn’t I?

-What? Where the fuck did you get that from?

-He doesn’t spoils me that much, he hasn’t proposed yet!

-He puts up with a lot of shit, honey, you’re a handful. And he makes you happy, why do you need marriage, anyway?

-Lexi!- shouted Caroline

-What?

-She’s not a handful, she has bad stuff, but she is also crazy talented, beautiful, loyal and funny. Don’t undermine her.

-Fine. I just think that you’re asking too much of him. You guys haven’t been together for more than three years, Caroline and Stefan were together for eight years before getting engaged.

-Yeah but…

Bonnie stopped listening to them, she was finally relaxed and enjoying her massage. She had no idea what she was going to talk about with them once they got to the drinking, but she didn’t want that to get in the way of her massage.

Okay, maybe she was procrastinating thinking about stuff again, but this time she had a good excuse right?

She realized it was still an excuse. But she really didn’t want to talk about that, much less think about it. He was just a flirt, with everyone, maybe he was testing his skills with her? But he had never done that, so why start now?

They had been always very hands on deck, they used to hug each other all the time and invade each other’s personal space almost every chance they got, but that was just part of being friends. Their friendship came with that kind of behavior and she never thought anything of it, unlike her friends. They always said that that meant they wanted to be together and it was the case on her part, but him? She always thought he wasn’t on the same page.

Until now. I mean, he had kissed her before he left and now he had enjoyed getting her flustered and he had got flustered when she did something, but maybe it was a human thing to do when you touched someone like that?

She wasn’t sure.

* * *

They finally came out of the spa, relaxed and with their skin glowing.

-I’m hungry, guys- said Bonnie while walking towards Caroline’s car.

-Yeah, me too. Let’s order sushi!- shouted Rebecca with her eyes glowing.

-Oh, I can’t, you know I’m on a diet.

-Care. I love you, but you’re crazy. You’re slim, hot and perfect and if you keep dieting you’re gonna lose your butt. So sushi it is- sentenced Lexi. She took her phone out and started asking everyone what their favorite store was to order.

-I love that we’re drinking and eating together, we haven’t had a girls night out in forever!

-Caroline, we had one a few months ago- said Rebecca looking at her nails.

-Yes, but without Bonnie. This one is with all of us.

-Well, then it’s been years.

They got to the car and Bonnie didn’t know how to feel. She usually avoided girls’ nights out, but she never realized she had skipped them so much that they didn’t tell her about them anymore, even though it made sense. I mean, she was in residency and she obviously was going to say no, but it still stung a bit.

They got into the car talking about the sushi and prices and stuff and Bonnie just faked a smile and accepted everything that the girls suggested.

Lexi and Rebecca were sitting in the back, loudly discussing about a certain ingredient but she didn’t really care.

-Are you okay Bonnie?- whispered Caroline

-Yeah, why?

-I don’t know. You seem off.

-It’s all good.

-You know I love you right?

-Yes and I love you. So? What happened between you and Stefan?- she said trying to get the focus of the conversation out of herself and Carline smiled knowingly.

-He apologized and worked on the sitting chart with me. He called the food providers and catering – she answered gleefully- so, I forgave him.

-That’s what I wanted to hear

-I'm still curious, though. – she said starting to sound serious- He wouldn't tell me the names of these people and he still has that look. I wonder if that's bad news

-You have to talk to him, there's no other way to resolve things but to communicate

-Someone's all shrink in here

-Well, you have to learn from your mistakes.

-And Bonnie knows a thing or two about avoiding communication, in ….

-Lexi, stop it- interrupted Caroline rolling her eyes.

-Oh, but she’s going to talk about it. We’re all talking about it and some other stuff too. I need to know what is going to be your honeymoon’s lingerie. And Rebecca has to tell us if Matt it’s good in bed. I tried to hook up with him a few times but he never fell on my trap.

-Your vagina, you mean?

-CAROLINE!

-Oh, come on, Bex, you were thinking it too.

-Well, maybe but I don’t wanna talk about my boyfriend like that.

-Don’t worry, you’ll be very drunk when we get to that topic, first on the list is Bonnie, then Care and then you.

-And what about you?- asked Bonnie this time, getting the hang of the dynamic.

-What else do you need to know? I tell you bitches everything.

-Well, you need to tell us how was the first time you hooked up with Klaus of course- responded Care

-I need buzz first- said Lexi with a wince.

-Don’t we all?- asked Rebecca dramatically, making them all laugh.

Well, maybe she had missed hanging out with them all.

* * *

They ate, drank, danced and laughed together. When she wasn’t so defensive about her personal life she had much more fun with the girls, especially since Lexi liked to call everyone out, but she had waited a long time this time around, probably waiting for them to be drunk first.

-Okay, now will you tell us what’s in the way of you and Damon being in bed already?

-Lexi, we spent years hating each other, we just started being friends again and we’re trying to be that, friends. I don’t want to ruin it with sex.

-You could maybe just sleep with him once to get him out of your system.

-No, that’s not what I want to happen.

-But maybe Damon does. And, let’s be honest, you both want that, why aren’t you just friends with benefits if one time isn’t enough?

-I just said it, that’s not what I want

-And I know why not. Because you’re…

-Lexi, stop it- interrupted Caroline with a warning in her eyes- stop pushing it. If they ever want that, then they’ll do it. But you can’t tell everyone to just do what you’d do.

-I think they should, though, it’s liberating when you start just saying what you think and what you want. The worst that can happen it’s them saying no and then if you don’t say anything it’s already a no. Just do something brave for once in your life, Bonnie.

-Lex, I don’t wanna lose him again- she whispered, the alcohol had clearly gotten to her, because she wasn’t always this sincere with Lexi.

-I know, but I don’t think you will. Damon… like… adores you.

-What are you taking about?

-Do you not have eyes? Do you not see the way he looks at you? Talks to you? How he wants to spend every single moment with you?

-That’s because we’ve lost so many years. We were like really tight back in the day and he’s always looked at me the same way.

-Exactly.

-Lexi, just let her get there on her own- said Rebecca after a few moments in silence- they both need to get there on their own terms, you can’t force them.

-But they could be so… fucking cute- she said making her hands into fists, she seemed passionate about it.

-Ok, now you’re making it weird- commented Caroline before laughing. They all did.

-Ok, fine, I’m out of your lives. It’s Care’s turn.

-Oh, boy.

They all kept drinking and sharing and Bonnie felt so much better with their presence and also with what they all said. I mean, Lexi was the one that talked more, but the others seemed to agree, even when they didn’t say anything to her.

Could she be so blind that she couldn’t see what everyone else did? And what that? Sexual tension? Feelings? She needed to pay more attention.

* * *

-Ok, honey. Don’t … don’t worry I called you… an uber just for you- said Lexi, struggling to get the words out, because of the alcohol.

-Ok- Bonnie was just relaxed on the sofa. Caroline and Rebecca wanted to stay there to sleep, but Bonnie hated sleeping in other people’s bed.

After a few minutes of her falling sleep in the sofa, Lexi started moving her.

-He’s here!- she screamed excited. Bonnie didn’t know why she was so excited about it but lifted herself up and walked out of the house with Lexi.

-Oh fuck. Really Lexi?- she asked opening her eyes wide once they got to see the “uber”.

-What?- asked Damon outside.

-Did you really called him? You said it was just an uber.

-Are you mad it’s him?

-Shut up- she said rolling her eyes while walking towards his car, he seemed puzzled but opened the door for her without saying a word.

-Are you okay?- he asked once he got into the car himself.

-Excellent

-Are you sure? You seem a little too much to the left

She realized he was right, so she moved her body to be sitting straight

-Is this good enough for you, Mr. Salvatore?

-Uh, bitchy Bonnie is here. I like her.

-No. You don't know me when I'm bitchy. You only know me on my cranky self.

-Bon bon, you were a bitch to me literally for years.

-That was pissed off Bonnie, not bitchy Bonnie- he looked at her like saying 'really?'- EYES ON THE ROAD!!!

-Okay, all right. Jesus. You haven't changed a bit.

-Really? After all the effort I've put into changing you're telling me that?- she knew she was acting like a child but the alcohol just got her and wasn’t letting her behave.

-Oh, come on! I meant you haven't changed the good stuff. You are changing what you realized was wrong, but all the other stuff? The funny, sassy, childish, quirky Bonnie is still here. And I live for it, honestly.

-Really? Do you?

-Yeah, I love that stuff about you.

She remained in silence for a bit, thinking about what the girls said today. About how the sexual tension was building up and how he adored her. I mean, she had had very strong feelings for him before but she never knew how he felt. I mean, on her side and present tense she felt attracted to him, obviously and she could rely on him for everything and it kinda felt like she was falling again for him but she could just be evoking feelings from the past and she could totally be over him.

Maybe the girls were right and she needed to have sex with him to get him out of her system.

-Maybe.

-Maybe what?

-What?

-You said maybe.

-No I didn't.

-Yes you did, like five seconds ago.

-Nah.

He smiled and shook her head, he was so sexy with his wild bed hair and the light striking on his blue eyes and his old T-shirt that was clearly a pajamas. She really wanted to invite him over. But she knew it was a mistake.

-Is everything okay?

-Why do you ask?- she said with her eyes still wandering on him.

-You have been staring at me for the past five minutes.

-I was just thinking.

-About what?

-Nothing, stuff the girls said. They're crazy- she kind of wanted to tell him and not. She really wanted to see his reaction but she knew it was reckless.

-What were they saying?

-I don't wanna tell you.

They got to her house and he parked outside. He walked out to open her door and took her hand to help her out.

-Thank you

-You can thank me telling me what they said- he whispered very close to her, still with his hand in her hand.

-I shouldn't- she whispered back a little breathless, making him smile crookedly and closing a bit of the distance, making her remember more and more of the kiss they had all those years ago.

-But you want to, don't you?- he whispered, making her fall onto his spell, like a fog filling her brain.

-I kinda do ...- she whispered looking at his mouth. So close…

-Then go for it

-They... -she couldn’t get her eyes to leave his lips, so close to hers and her caution flew out the wind- they said we should have sex.

He pulled back when she answered and she could feel a the fog pull back with him.

-Really? And do you think so too?

He wasn't very happy with her answer, it seemed. His frown was down and his eyes were very intense, he wanted to know what her answer was, but she wasn't ready for it.

-I don't have to tell you anything- she said letting his hand go.

He tried getting closer to her again, but she walked to her house, she needed the space between them. He followed her and when she got to her door he took her arm very gently.

-Can you please tell me?

She turned around and he looked very tired, very young also. The pajamas and crazy hair were part of it, but also the honesty and raw emotion in his eyes. It remembered her of herself, looking in the mirror, practicing how she was going to ask him what that kiss meant. She never got to do it, because when he came back he was an asshole to her, so she felt like giving him some of his own medicine.

-I'll answer if you answer something first.

-And what would that be?

-Why did you kiss me before going to New York?

His eyes widened and he took a step back as soon as she finished her question, making her take a step forward.

He looked at her very surprised and suddenly his head moved to the left.

-You're losing balance again- he whispered.

He was right, she was. She was very drunk, but this conversation needed to happen.

-You're right, but that isn't an answer to my question.

-I think it's okay if we both keep our secrets for a little bit.

-So you don't want my answer either?- she asked almost screaming, she was starting to get angry at him.

-I’d rather not. I think it's okay to have secrets between friends, it's healthy even- he answered with that usual nonchalant attitude she usually envied.

She turned around and opened her door, she heard him sight but he hadn't moved and that's when a brilliant idea came to her mind.

She let her door open and turned around.

-Then what's another secret between friends? - she asked before walking to him and giving him a peck on the lips, just as fast as he did almost eight years ago.

When she pulled back his eyes were huge and he was opening his mouth, but she wasn't going to let him say anything.

She turned around and closed the door behind her, smiling triumphantly.


	9. Jealousy?

A weird thing had happened that morning, she was dehydrated, she had severe memory loss and a lack of communication from Damon, who usually woke her up to go to the dance rehearsal.

She had a vague memory of him picking her up in Lexi’s house, but not much. Maybe on the way to the dance studio he’d be able to enlighten her.

She was about to text him, asking if he was picking her up or should call an uber or Caroline to do so, when she saw a text from Damon.

**_I’m sorry, I need to go back to New York, Elena needs my help_ **

What?! Elena? The girl that wasn’t the one because he wanted to change him? The girl who seemed to had a crush on Stefan? That girl? Really?

Why did he need to go to New York to help his ex? I mean, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted, but he had committed himself to learn this dance sequence, to Caroline, to his brother, to _her_.

He just left her alone in this after he said he’d be there for the full two weeks prior the wedding to learn the damn choreography and he said he’d help with the last minutes arrangements and she was all alone on this again. Which was what she wanted at first, but not anymore. They were friends now.

And as friends he should’ve called, not send a half-assed text. She decided to not responded in a couple of hours, she just needed to make herself some breakfast and calm herself, otherwise she’d send a reckless text, accusing him of being the worst friend in the world. And he kind of was.

 She just left the phone on the counter top to make herself a big breakfast, with bacon and everything, because of course she wasn’t going to go alone to the dance rehearsal, so she had time to waste. In fact, she had the whole damn day to do nothing.

While taking the things out of the fridge, she couldn’t help to look at the screen with furious eyes every couple of minutes, though. She was pissed and as much as she was trying to calm herself down and just enjoy her newfound free time, she just hated that he left without notice.

_When are you coming back?_

She couldn’t help but to take the damn phone and write him back. The bacon could wait.

**_In five days_ **

He responded immediately, probably because he knew he was doing something wrong. He dared leave her alone with everything and after picking her up in the middle of the night? Without telling her what the fuck happened? Bastard.

_Well, thank you for letting me alone with the arrangements and everything. Have fun with your ex._

**_Careful witchy, I could think you’re jealous._ **

Her blood started to boil and she felt like punching him in the face, but she calmed herself down and put the eggs in the pan to eat along with her bacon. Cracking them made her feel good, like she was actually hurting him.

She put the bacon in another pan and almost dropped it because she was thinking about his stupid face, she could almost remember a moment from the night before, but when she was in the brink of getting the memory her phone rang again. Another text.

**_Oh, and by the way, she works for me. I came to fix something regarding the company_ **

Well. Maybe she needed the earth to open a hole up and swallow her whole right then and there because she had just made a big deal out of something work related. All because of Elena being named.

Could it be true? Could she be jealous? Nah. He was just playing games with her mind. He could’ve just text her he had company issues and that’s why he needed to head back, he didn’t need to put her name on the text. He wanted to make her jealous. Bastard.

She decided she wasn’t going to care about it anymore, so she just called Caroline to see if she needed her and how they were going to proceed regarding the dance situation.

She unlocked her phone and a message from Lexi popped up

**Did you guys boned? Is the sexual tension gone by now?**

Sexual tension? She knew she had spoken with her and the girls about that but she felt there was another conversation… Oh God. Oh no. Oh shit.

She remembered it clearly now, him helping her out of the car, staying close to her, asking her to tell him about something. His lips so close she could’ve kissed him without any difficulty. Shit. She told him about her conversation with the girls? About them having to have sex?

And he stepped back when she said it. Oh God. She had made a fool of herself, almost throwing herself at him and talking to him about sex, of course he left. He left to be away from her and her horny ass. Of course, there’s no other explanation.

But… he was the one who put himself close to her, he was the one who whispered and never let go of her hand while convincing her of telling him. Was that because he knew the effect he had on her? Or because he wanted to be close? And if he knew the effect he had then why leave the next day?

God. She thought she had enough questions before, but now that she had remembered, she was actually more confused. She flipped her bacon too late and tried not to wince at the brown look of it, she had made a mistake, but she could totally eat it, she just needed to prepare herself.

That could apply to her life as well.

* * *

-Thank you!- she screamed at the uber driver once she finally got out all of her stuff of the trunk. She had told Damon the truth, she decided she needed to let go of some stuff, so she had a lot of big bags full of things that she didn’t need anymore.

Some of them had to go to the trash, some were too personal (like her Grams favorite spoon) and some still had some life to give, but she deserved to have a full set of plates, instead of the last three that remained.

The uber driver left and she took her bags to the “Donate” section of Goodwill. She had many bags and the person who was receiving the donations helped her get them to his front desk and when it was all in there he went through all of the stuff, to make sure they could sell them.

Everything was in order, obviously, and she left happy to the nearest IKEA. She needed a new coffee table, a modern shelf and definitely a new cookware set. But maybe that one could be bought at Walmart, because those were cheaper there. Plus, they had free shipping, so she’d just choose one online.

She walked through the halls, looking for the perfect furniture when a voice invaded her head.

“Can you please tell me?”

An image of a very young looking Damon invaded her mind as well. She remembered seeing herself in him, seeing the pleading in his eyes and wanting to weaponize it as some sort of revenge for her younger self. She really was a bitch when she was drunk.

She stopped on her tracks. Shit. She could remember everything now.

She had kissed him.

She had fucking kissed him. Why? Because she was a bitch. Because he had said that they should keep their secrets for a little while. Why had that bothered her so much? She remembered seeing him change his attitude, from the young, naïve and desperate Damon to the nonchalant one.

What changed?

She had lost balance again. She was drunk. She knew, he knew. Did that mean that he didn’t want to talk about the kiss because she was drunk? Did he want to talk about it while being sober or not talk about it at all?

She took a deep breath and started walking again, she needed to get it together.

But shit had just hit the fan so she needed her best friend, she couldn’t just keep shopping as if nothing had happened.

-Hello? Bonnie?

-Yes, Caroline. I’m kinda getting really confused really fast and I really need to talk to someone right now.- she said as fast as she could

-Ok. Where are you?

-IKEA.

-Ok. I’m coming as soon as possible, I haven’t eaten yet, thought.

-There’s a restaurant close by, we could have lunch.

-Great, because I’m starving and wasn’t feeling like cooking. You’ll have to wait just a tiny bit because I just got out of the shower

-Right. The dance rehearsal.

-Yes, but it’s ok. I need a recharge of energies and a restaurant sounds great. I’ll be there in half an hour, tops.

-Ok. I’ll try to actually get something done and get the stuff I got here to buy.

-Ok, let me know if you’d rather I park in there to get your stuff in my car.

-Great. I get a good listener and an uber ride. You’re great, Care.

-Always at your service.

-Ok, see ya.

-See ya.

She tried to focus on the furniture in front of her instead of the thousand thoughts running through her head. She went to look for a cart, before she was determined to get things done and after ten minutes, she could actually be able to find the coffee tables. Another five minutes and she found the one that she had in mind, she put it in the cart and kept looking for a couple of modern shelfs.

She found some in a diamond shape and decided she was getting two of those and maybe a lamp to modernize the whole living room.

She needed to make it feel like it was her own. And then the image of Damon in her kitchen, cooking for her appeared on her mind again. Damn, pancakes every weekend? She wished that was a reality. But that wasn’t what she needed to think about right that moment, she needed to think about lamps and nothing else.

She settled for a nice and tall lamp made out of wood and went to check out right when Caroline texted an “I’m outside” text. She did everything pretty fast and was outside looking for her best friend’s car in five minutes.

-Hey girl!- screamed the blonde while opening her trunk.

-Hi Care! How’s it going?

They hugged and started putting the boxes into the car.

-Amazing, but we danced for a long time, so I’m gonna need us to go to eat ASAP

-Yeah, I’m sorry I couldn’t go

-It’s ok, it’s not your fault. Damon texted me this morning about it and when I looked for him in the house to ask for explanations he had already left.

-Mmm… let’s put this one on top of this other one- said Bonnie rearranging the boxes, she needed a distraction from the Damon subject before she exploded.

-Yeah, that’d work much better, ha?

-Yeah

They finished and Bonnie went to sit on the passenger seat to go to the restaurant and she was still taken aback by what she had done the night before and for his reactions and him being missing now.

-Are you ok? You seem much calmer than you were when you called me.

-Yeah, I’m trying not to think about it all, but it’s just hard.

-Well, I’m here now. Tell me.

-All right, let’s just wait until we’re in the restaurant. I just need to put in order my thoughts and see if I can remember more, because I just have parts of conversations.

-Ok, I have no idea of what you’re talking about, but I’ll wait until it makes sense.

-Thank you- she responded smiling to her best friend.

She drove to the nearest restaurant while Bonnie tried to remember and she remembered some of the conversation they had in the car or at least how the whole sexual tension thing came to be brought up.

-And?- asked Caroline as soon as they got inside of the restaurant, with expecting eyes.

-Ok, I can only remember a few things from the conversation last night- she proceeded to talk about the car conversation, how he was wearing pajamas and her muttering the word “maybe” making him curious.

-I would be curious about that too

-Yeah… I… think I can remember a bit more. I remember feeling good about myself because of something he said before…

-Uuh romance

-No, I’m not sure it was romance- she kept trying to remember and then it got back to her- He told me he loved some stuff about me- she said with a little smile and her face on fire.

-Oh my God, it is romance! What does he love?

-I think he said something about me being funny? I think sassy was also said. I’m not sure, though, it’s all a fog, really.

-But you remember him saying he looovees that about you?

-Yes, vividly- she whispered before being asked what they were ordering. They looked at the menu and ordered quickly.

-Is that why you were freaking out?-asked Caroline when the waiter left.

-No, that’s not it- she cleared her throat and drank some water that the waiter had brought before telling her everything she remembered, whispering when she was talking about the almost kiss and how she budged to his influence and then whispering again when she talked about the kiss.

-Oh God- said Caroline before making a very high-pitched sound, which made everyone around them look at them like they were crazy.

-Caroline stop it, this isn’t romance, he’s the most frustrating person I know. That happened last night and he left? He was the one who made us be so close to being with, he knows he has an effect on me and then when I said the sex thing he seems… upset? Disappointed? I don’t understand , especially because he just left with nothing more than a fucking text.

-Bonnie breathe- said Caroline with a smile- It’s going to be okay. I get that this part is confusing but…

-What part?- she interrupted

-You know, the part where you both sort out your feelings. I mean, we can all see it. We told you, now it’s just a matter of time before you guys see it too.

-Care, I love you, but you’re not helping.

The food came and they thanked the waiter and started eating, because they were both pretty hungry.

-You know, you just need to talk. I mean, you’re a smart woman and I bet you’d decipher this in a heartbeat if this had happened to me or any other person. It’s just that it’s harder being in the center of it all, especially when you have feelings you’ve been hiding for a while.

-So, I should look at it from an outsider perspective?

-Yes

-Then why don’t you give me your perspective?

-Well…- she drank from her water again, she seemed hesitant but Bonnie wanted this so she kept staring at her best friend with intensity- I think he thinks this is a serious topic and he couldn’t talk about it while you were drunk.

-I got that myself, I think the same thing. It was bad timing and that’s why he said that we could still have secrets for a while. But that means we’re talking about it right?

-Yes.

-And what else?

-Bonnie…- she sighed and ate a spoonful of the green beans in her plate before saying anything, the dramatic pauses were her thing- he doesn’t want to just have sex with you

-What?

-Why else would he be discouraged? Obviously he wants to have sex with you, because of how the dancing thing went down between you two but if he heard you just want that, why would he be upset? Because he wants more. That’s obviously the answer.

-And what if he doesn’t want to have sex at all? What if he was just flirting because that’s who he is and he hates that the sex thing is in my mind?

-As much as that can be a possibility, it’s a very small one. Like I said, we all see it. Hell, even Mary Louise sees it. Nora sees it.

-How do you know?

-She told me

-Which one?

-Nora

-Then how do you know about Mary Louise?

-Because Nora told me too, dah. – Bonnie looked at her still without understanding and Caroline rolled her eyes before giving her more information-They’re together

-Seriously?!

-Yes, why are you so shocked? Nora was the one to convince me to hire her and they seem very fond of each other. I really wasn’t surprised when she told me, I don’t know why you are.

-Because they’re so different. Nora is so… shy. And Mary Louise is scary.

-Opposites attracts, what can I say? It’s the same with you and Damon.

-No, it’s not. We’re not together and we won’t be. Because even if what you’re saying it’s true, he still went running back to New York the second Elena called him. He obviously still loves her and I’m just an idiot for harboring feelings for him.

-Now you’re just being dramatic. She works for him, they had issues in the company that he, as the head of the company, had to solve.

-But why does she work with him? They are exes. Exes don’t work well together.

-They do. And according to Stefan it has to do with the fact that she’s a pushover and Damon likes that in a worker, because he believes he’s always right. Also, he pays well and she needs the money to go study medicine somewhere, because her parents kicked her out of the house when she and Damon were a thing and she doesn’t want to go back there now, so she needs the money.

-I do remember her making excuses for him the few times I saw her, but that’s awful. You need workers that challenge you and make you grow, not just say yes all the time.

-You’re thinking of a partner, not a worker. I agree with you in the partner thing, he does need that. And that’s why you’re ideal.

-Oh shut up.

* * *

The days went by and all she did was assemble her new furniture, watch the videos of the choreography on her house and try to replicate them by herself and then eat alone a lot. Caroline and the girls came over once and they watched a romcom while eating homemade popcorn. But that was about it.

Damon had texted her a few times, about the weather and how he wanted to come dance soon. He was teasing her, she knew and she hated it. She still wasn’t convinced Caroline was right about him wanting more and she still hated that he went to New York because “Elena needed him”.

Now it was the morning of his coming back and she couldn’t stop thinking about him. How would he be behaving when they interacted again? Would he be talking about the kiss? About their “secrets”? About his time in New York with Elena?

**_I’m back witchy. What did I miss?_ **

How could he just know she was thinking about him? Or was it just a coincidence? Either way she hated that he just tried to waltz in back as if nothing had happened.

_Five days of rehearsals._

**_Uh. You’re still mad about that? I think I have the perfect solution_ **

She was about to text him back when she heard a knock on her front door. Oh shit. She hadn’t had breakfast yet or brushed her teeth. Fuck.

_Go away. I’m still in my pajamas_

She went to her bathroom and started brushing her teeth while texting that and soon enough she had a response.

**_I was counting on that. I brought us breakfast_ **

Another knock

_Well you should’ve asked me first. I’m not opening the door on my pajamas._

**_C’mon! I’ve seen you on pajamas before. And I actually have my pajamas under my hoodie, we’re in equal conditions._ **

She considered it a bit. She was wearing a very big and loose shirt, but she wasn’t wearing a bra underneath and she really didn’t feel like flashing him, so she put on a big sweatshirt on top of it and a small pajama short beneath.

She finally opened the door and they were definitely not in equal conditions. Yes, his hair was a mess and he was wearing an old shirt underneath his hoodie but he looked sexy like that. She looked like trash in comparison and she didn’t look that bad, but this man. God. He was so attractive it was annoying.

-Hi Bon Bon

-Hi- she responded with a dry tone and turned around to let him in.

-Wow, I thought I was getting a warmer welcome. After all I brought your favorite pancakes.

-How do you know what my favorite pancakes are?

-Because you told me. Like ten years ago, but I’m still counting on that information.

-You seem to forget that people’s taste changes.

-I haven’t forgot. I'm just hoping it hasn't changed.

She wasn’t facing him, but she turned after he said that, too curious to continue with her little “bitchy” act. He seemed hopeful, and very tired, also. He had big dark circles under his eyes and his face was a lot paler than before he left and it had been just five days.

-Why do you look like you haven’t slept in days?

-Because I haven’t.

-I’m still mad that you just sent me a text, but I want to see which pancakes you brought so put them in the table while I put on the kettle for tea.

He smiled at her command but obliged immediately. She went to the kitchen to put the kettle on and take the plates and mugs and suddenly she felt his presence very close by.

-I didn’t want to wake you up, so I thought that a call wasn’t the best plan. Plus, by the time I was sure you’d be up I’d be in a plane, so I had to reach you before that.

-You could’ve call me later then- she said without turning to him, he was by her side.

-You didn’t seem very keen to take a call from me.

-You’re right. Now take these and put them in the table- she responded handing him the mugs and plates and he took them without saying a word.

She was still very upset with him so she wasn’t just forgiving him because he came in with pancakes, nor because what he said actually made sense.

-Anything else you want me to take to the table?

-Just take some cutlery and I’ll be there when the kettle’s ready.

-I can come back to keep talking, if that’s ok with you.

She finally looked at him again and she knew she was budging. He looked tired and he was still up very early to have breakfast with her. Fucking bastard.

-Fine.

He smiled with _that_ smile and went to the table with the cutlery and he seemed oblivious to what that smile caused on her, because he just kept on his merry way. And she had already forgiven him, but she wasn’t letting him know that.

-So… why are you so mad?- he asked getting into the kitchen again. He stayed at a safe distance, facing her, while she was facing the kettle, with her right side to him.

-Because I thought we were back at being friends and I have hardly heard from you in days.

-I told you, the company had a problem and I had to go fix it. I was very busy, Bon Bon.

-You didn’t told me that. You told me Elena had a problem- she regretted saying that the moment it left her mouth but there was nothing she could do about it now.

-Oh, so there’s another reason why you’re mad?- he asked moving closer to her, to the point where their arms were touching.

-No. I just… I’d like for you to be honest with me

-I’ve been a hundred percent honest with you. Ever since we started talking again a few months back, anyway.

-But you told me that you and Elena were broken up…

-And we are- he interrupted

-But you’re still working together and when she has an issue you go running back to her.

-Bonnie, can you please look at me?- he begged, so she turned her face to him reluctantly- I ran back to my company, not to her. I have no feelings for her anymore, other than respect as a worker and I really don’t want to let anybody’s mistake sink my company.

He said everything with a soft voice, as if talking to a kid, but being less condescending. He seemed to want to make sure she understood and there was no doubt about that.

-What was the mistake?- she asked with a very hushed tone feeling like she had blown things out of proportion, again.

-An intern ordered 2,000 pieces of an old car instead of 20. And you know how many other cars can use that same piece? In America it’s close to 500. They called me when they received the shipping and I had to go there to talk to the manufacturer and ask for a reimbursement, but they didn’t want to because that’s a lot of pieces. And we all knew that no one needed that many.

-Could you fix it?

-I had to pay for 200 of them. And to promise to fix the car of the manufacturer for free.

-Shit. So you lost a lot of money?

-Yeah.

-Did you fire the intern?

-No. I fired the person who told the intern to do their job for them.

-You’re a good leader, Damon- she said thinking about what other people in his situation would’ve done.

-Thank you.

They looked at each other in silence for a bit, with many thoughts hanging in between them. She was thinking about apologizing when the kettle made a noise, letting them know the water was ready.

-Let’s go eat those pancakes.

-I hope you still like them. And I hope they survived the trip.

-What do you mean?

-You said your favorite pancakes were the ones from “Little Heaven”, so I went there and bought them.

-Damon that store is one hour away.

-Yes, but it’s kind of close to the airport so it didn’t take me that long.

-So you got out of the plane and you went straight to that specific restaurant?- she asked with a breathy tone, feeling the butterflies in her stomach. He looked away with his face on fire and mumbled something that she couldn’t understand- what?

-I said I felt like I had to. You seemed pretty mad over texts- she couldn’t help but to smile and wrap her arms around him, she buried her face in his chest to not do something stupid like kissing him.

-You’re so stupid

-What? Why?

-I didn’t need these specific pancakes to forgive you. I forgave you long before you told me you did that.

-Really? ‘Cuz I couldn’t tell. Plus, it made me deserving of a hug. All’s good.

She smiled feeling his scent all around her and he kissed her head and put his chin in the top of it.

-I’m sorry for being such a bitch

-When? Now or the day I went to pick you up at Lexi’s?

Her breath was caught in her chest when he said that. Good thing he couldn’t see her face, because he’d see all of her thoughts in it. He wanted to talk about it now? She wasn’t ready, although she thought she’d never be ready to talk about her kissing him.

-What do you mean? I don’t remember anything about that- she lied unconvincingly.

-Really?- he asked pulling away to see her face and she took that chance to turn around and take the kettle.

-Yes, let’s go have breakfast because I’m starving.

-Ok- he answered after a while, seemingly sad.

They walked to the table and the ambience seemed a lot more awkward than it was before and Bonnie knew it was her fault, so upon sitting she tried to make small talk.

-I went to IKEA and remodeled the living room, did you notice?

-Not really, I’m half sleep right now- he wasn’t being very nice but she understood where he came from. It was all her fault again.

-Damon, you really didn’t need to go to that restaurant for me.

-I did. Now eat them, they were in a thermic bag but they could be too cold by now.

-Ok, sorry

They ate in an awkward silence, which was stopped when Bonnie couldn’t help but to make a very embarrassing sound when she tried the pancakes.

-Do you always moan when there’s sweets around?

-Shut up! It’s not my fault. I hadn’t eaten these in years.

-I have and I live farther than you do.

-But you have a car, I don’t. Plus I haven’t really had much time off. Now I do, but while on residency? My life was just working and studying, nonstop.

-That must’ve suck.

-It did. But I’m grateful for it. I loved working on ER.

-Even with the deaths involved?

-Yeah. There’s nothing I could’ve done to save them. And all the lives we saved outweigh the ones we couldn’t.

-That’s a mature way of thinking.

-You have to have it to work there, any other way your mental health’s screwed.

-Yeah.

They continued eating, this time with a more easy silence, but she could see Damon’s eyes were closing too much to be actively eating.

-You should go to sleep now.

-No, I promised Blondie that we’d rehearse the entire day.

-But you need to sleep, you’re not going to be very good at dancing while falling aslept.

-I can prove you wrong.

She smiled while rolling her eyes and he got the smile on his face again. That damn smile.

-Why don’t you go sleep on my bed? I’d suggest the guest room, but it’s a mess. Well, mine too, but it doesn’t have boxes on top of the bed.

-I think I’m going to accept, but just because after the very small nap I’ll take, we’ll dance the whole day in your new living room.

-Deal.

He went to her room immediately and she tried to remember if she had anything embarrassing lying around. She kept eating, because he was so gone that he wouldn’t even notice her mess of a room. Those pancakes were amazing and she couldn’t help but to think about what Caroline said, him wanting more than just sex.

Maybe she was right. Just admitting that sent a million butterflies to her stomach and a goofy smile to her face, I mean, who would go to a restaurant so far away relying on the possibility that she still liked those pancakes she mentioned on a trip ten years ago?

That was a lot to take in. She finished her pancakes and also his’ and then walked to her room to see if there was anything she needed to pick up before he woke up.

He was peacefully lying on top of her bed, he was so tired he didn’t even put anything to cover himself up, so she took a blanket and put it on top of his body. He seemed so relaxed, so young and so innocent. She could also smell his scent in her whole room and she knew she would sleep great that night, surrounded by him.

Her younger self would feel so excited that he was sleeping in her bed, he would’ve totally convinced her to sleep by his side with a bet or just saying something about it being nothing and her just exaggerating it all once again. That’s how they ended up sleeping next to each other in many parties back in the day, but always in someone else’s house, never their own beds.

She kind of wished he had convinced her to sleep with him this time around as well and with that she realized it was time she stopped acting like they were just friends. She had feelings for him and maybe he did as well, according to Caroline. Plus, she really had felt jealousy over Elena and he had made it crystal clear that he had no feelings for her anymore.

Shit, that only made her more hopeful and completely nervous for when he woke up.

That was going to be an interesting rehearsal

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I hope you liked it enough to give me feedback and to see if you'd like for me to go on with this. I can't get these two out of my mind but it's been so long since the show ended that I don't know if anyone cares anymore? Hopefully there's still some Bamon shippers out there :) I made a tumblr in case you'd like to ask me some stuff and to show you some images or gifs that I think complement the story. It's https://bamon-iridescence.tumblr.com/  
> Anyway, thank you and happy reading!


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